Birthday Weekend

This weekend was suppose to be one of the best Birthday weekends for awhile. I had everything planned and well spaced out but like always....my family and friends seem to find joy in ruining what makes me happy. Don't worry though... this year instead of trying to grin and bear it and cry after... I decided to cry for 5 minutes in the  beginning and then say forget about it. I got in my car and went with my heart.
Saturday I drove to Meadville to see my Great Grandma and my Great Aunt Diane and a few other distant family members who were in town. When I say distant I really mean from Virginia and Florida. lol. Anyways... My great grandma fell at her hotel Saturday morning so although we never left the room we did have a great time talking. After that I went to visit friends in Corry, Pa and what intended on being only a few hours ended up being well over 8. lol. Most of that Spent with Beth who loved her blanket and gave me a lot of piece of mind about everything going on lately. It really does help having someone who understands everything Zach and I go through. You would think that after and entire day of driving and visiting and laughing, I would have been tired but I scooped my sister and Zach up and we went to eat n park for a late night snack which ended in so much more laughing. I didn't even feel good but the 2 of them made me forget all about that.
Yesterday was Birthday celebration for my house... Zach bought me an ice cream cake which we shared with the people in my house and then went to see Katie and Alex and shared the rest of it with them. It actually ended up being a really relaxing day. And although it was a great weekend...I laughed so hard all weekend I feel like my ribs are bruised...if that were even possible. lol. So well worth it.
Today its back to reality and therefore back to the hospital for me. lol. wow that made it sound like a bad thing but really I love it and my oldies that I have grown to love there. So until we meet again....
Keep Smiling!

Beth's Blanket

Over the summer, I had the honor of meeting a special friend named Beth who happens to be going through a few different health problems. I know that most people probably expect me to get in what kind, how long and all of that good stuff but since I like to honors people's privacy...all you get to know is that Beth is an amazing person and despite everything she has gone through she has a very clear understanding of what I go through on a daily basis or at least we can share a lot of it. Its because of this that I wanted to do something special for her and so I have decided to make her a blanket to cuddle with on her hospital stays. I think that its very important to have something both comforting and colorful with you while recovering from anything because it helps boost the spirits and keep the moods semi cheerful for people around you as well.

So this is Beth's Blanket. I have been working on it around everything in my life in the last month, trying to get it done for her only to find out that she also shares a birthday week with me. So what a better time to finish it. lol.
Now normally I would love to take all the credit for this but there is one special purple flower that was added to this blanket in the last week, that wasnt my own doing. Unfortunately my neice ended up sick earlier this week and needed to spend the morning with me while my sister was at work, and decided that learning to crochet was important to her. Since she is only 4 and I had been working on this blanket for so long I though that maybe if I distracted her she would forget but honestly she seemed to pick it up really quickly and definately wasnt going to give up on the flower that I told her she could add. She actually carried that purple flower around until it was time to add it to the right spot and when the time came it added a Gabby Size love to the blanket. She did such a good job and we had such an amazing day that we almost hated to part ways just like I always do with my sisters kids. But with Gabbys Help I was able to finish Beth's blanket because she was determind to get that flower in place. lol. Now I know that if I need someone to keep me going on my projects to go crochet with her. lol.

Feelings Unleashed...

I'm sorry that I haven't posted on this blog in awhile. In all honesty I had almost created a new blog and had ever intention of leaving this blog behind and just starting over. But then I realized that I'm sick of change. I feel like I am been constantly forced to change because the people around me are never happy with my life and I am SO Over it. I am done pleasing people or keeping my mouth shut when they shoot me done. Its one thing to be the better person but to let people make me feel ashamed of who I am and what I do is completely different and the truth is... I'm not ashamed of the things in me life. Sure there are things that I'm not proud of but they are still apart of my life. And I wouldn't trade any of the good memories to get rid of the bad. I know that might sound crazy but in my mind its kind of like a book. Just different chapters and I know just where I want this book to go. So I have decided that its time that I not so much delete people from my life but leave behind. I have been all over the place lately because I have realized that not only have people been treating me like crap but they have been using me to get what they want. Even those who are considered my best friends. I'm still trying to process it all but with other health issues and getting ready to have surgery it is really important to me that I know who I can trust and in all honesty...I don't know who that is. I just know that I'm too tired of trying to correct people when they decide to change my life and whats going on to better please themselves. So from now on I am just going to do what I always planned and journal it. Not for anyone but for myself. As for my life... I am happy with where I am. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them even when they drive me crazy. And Zach... even though he might break my heart sometimes.... I know that the things I love about him always come through and no matter what He is my guy and the only thing right now I see worth fighting for. In the end he really is the only person who has been here for me. Which is funny because as soon as he messes up everyone wants me to get rid of him. I think its kind of funny actually considering he is really the only thing keeping me going these days. I cant say that about any of my friends and therefore I have decided to take time off from people in general to just recoup and get reacquainted with myself which is what this year was suppose to be about in the first place. A year for Zach and I to try new things and find what we really love about this world. (Not that one year could ever be enough time for this.) So I guess this year is starting now...at this very moment. Maybe during this journey I will find some peace, which I have been hoping to find for weeks but until then its just the raw sense of reality and a teddy bear standing at my side and for that I love him.