Feelings Unleashed...

I'm sorry that I haven't posted on this blog in awhile. In all honesty I had almost created a new blog and had ever intention of leaving this blog behind and just starting over. But then I realized that I'm sick of change. I feel like I am been constantly forced to change because the people around me are never happy with my life and I am SO Over it. I am done pleasing people or keeping my mouth shut when they shoot me done. Its one thing to be the better person but to let people make me feel ashamed of who I am and what I do is completely different and the truth is... I'm not ashamed of the things in me life. Sure there are things that I'm not proud of but they are still apart of my life. And I wouldn't trade any of the good memories to get rid of the bad. I know that might sound crazy but in my mind its kind of like a book. Just different chapters and I know just where I want this book to go. So I have decided that its time that I not so much delete people from my life but leave behind. I have been all over the place lately because I have realized that not only have people been treating me like crap but they have been using me to get what they want. Even those who are considered my best friends. I'm still trying to process it all but with other health issues and getting ready to have surgery it is really important to me that I know who I can trust and in all honesty...I don't know who that is. I just know that I'm too tired of trying to correct people when they decide to change my life and whats going on to better please themselves. So from now on I am just going to do what I always planned and journal it. Not for anyone but for myself. As for my life... I am happy with where I am. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them even when they drive me crazy. And Zach... even though he might break my heart sometimes.... I know that the things I love about him always come through and no matter what He is my guy and the only thing right now I see worth fighting for. In the end he really is the only person who has been here for me. Which is funny because as soon as he messes up everyone wants me to get rid of him. I think its kind of funny actually considering he is really the only thing keeping me going these days. I cant say that about any of my friends and therefore I have decided to take time off from people in general to just recoup and get reacquainted with myself which is what this year was suppose to be about in the first place. A year for Zach and I to try new things and find what we really love about this world. (Not that one year could ever be enough time for this.) So I guess this year is starting now...at this very moment. Maybe during this journey I will find some peace, which I have been hoping to find for weeks but until then its just the raw sense of reality and a teddy bear standing at my side and for that I love him.

In the Beginning....

Well here we are in February already and I feel that I haven't don't much of anything yet. I haven't started my bible study journey that I have wanted to and between Doctors and Dentists; I feel like I have been so busy last month that it went by without any warning. So here we are in February and I'm finally ready to start my year of rediscovery.

First I should inform everyone who has been around and up to date with my relationship status....I think everyone should hear it from me when i say that yes I am "soon to be single" again. If by that I mean....I was told last week that "I'm just not really the marrying type" from Zach. I know that sounds kind of crazy considering all the stuff we have been through together but this seems to be going no where and where we have gone is has not been without teeth pulling to say the least. I'm getting tired and he wants "out" so after 4 months of what should have been wonderful life together being heartbreaking and emotionally draining we are parting ways. Technically we already have a week ago but I am just announcing it to the public now.

Next I want everyone to know that I have decided that after researching for a bible study for the last 2 weeks I have decided to stop waisting my time. I have decided that since this is a year of "rediscovery"; that I am going to just take my time reading the bible from front to back and think about things in my own perspective first before joining other groups and getting others opinions. its hard to share when I'm not sure what my own are first. So I have found a plan where someone has broken up the bible into chunks that one could read the bible in one year and I am going to follow that. I might not take the whole year but I am going to follow those groupings that way I have time to think about what I'm readying....Starting with the beginning. :0) I am actually really excited about this so we will see where it leads me.

Well that is really all the exciting news until you count me finishing a 2nd doily.

I'm trying to continue with using the yarn and string that I already have so I have been looking up different patterns and trying new things. This is known as the Sweet Daisy design and ended up being 13 inches wide. Its also very easy for those who might interested in trying to make one yourself. I will link the pattern to the title above.

So with all that said... I am off to relax for a little bit and maybe read a little bit more
Keep Smiling!

Christmas Crocheting....

I am sorry for the massive amount of posting today but this is the actually live post. I know it has been over a month but I was on a massive crocheting and Christmas shopping spree. I know that some of you were waiting to see how the blanket ended up coming out for Kat so here are the following projects that I put together in our time apart...

Katie's Star Blanket

Hannah's poncho

Abigail's Poncho

Katie F.'s hat

Katie F.'s Ruffled Scarf

Sorry again for the lack of posting but as you can see I have been crocheting a lot! lol. I also crocheted another hat that looks like Animal from the Muppet's but I have those photos on my cell phone. Otherwise between work and family functions; I haven't been up to very much.

I have started to prepare myself for the upcoming year and it seems to be a huge year for change and moving forward finally. Zach has really been an inspiration to me in the last year and I am very thankful for him. I have set up a few major goals for the year and I am already on my way with them starting today with going to a new dentist to get my very bad teeth fixed. (Did I ever mention how much I hate dentists? or my teeth for that matter?) Then I am also going to go into the Hospital and talk about going back to full time. I switched to part time last month for a better job opportunity but in the end it is turning out to be worse for me and my health/mental health as well. I guess sometimes our hearts lead our dreams into different paths and my heart is telling me to stay in the hospital. Other than that....Its finish cleaning and organize so that when the big move happens in March we are ready. :0) I will have more about that later. Like I said....BIG CHANGES. lol.

Well I think after all that I had better head to bed so I can be up in time for the...dentist. Ugh. :0( I will try my hardest to keep up better with my blogging from now on.

Love you all and Keep Smiling!

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JenniBean's Stand Against Childhood Cancers | Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for Childhood Cancer

JenniBean's Stand Against Childhood Cancers Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for Childhood Cancer

I have been a support of Alex's Lemonade Stand since 2007 and It has always been my goal to help raise awareness for this cause. Somewhere in my busy life I have forgotten about the page and goal that I set up and have been brought back to it yet again. I realized that a few years ago I realized I was setting my goals to high so for 2012, I am setting up a goal to raise $250 for Alex's Lemonade Stand. So let raising the awareness begin!

Life

With 33 days left for Christmas and the fact that I just got my cast off my arm....I am in crunch time for Christmas. I would love to say that things are going ok but right when I thought I was ahead this year.... My car breaks down tonight. Thankfully Zach was able to come and pick me up while his brother researched towing numbers. $117 later and a ride back home safe; I am waiting to see what it will take to fix it. Tomorrow I will have to call and see what will go on with work but for the few weeks I have full time left, Katie is allowing me to stay with her. I also think I really need to talk to my doctor about getting upset so easily. It just isnt right. I think the only good this that has happened lately is that Zach and I have started craft nights. So with the last of my crafting money for the year (due to car breakage); I have started making Christmas Headbands and I have completed Round One of Katie's Christmas blanket. Zach helped pick out the colors. Here are a few pictures to show you....

Tomorrow I am going to work more on Katies blanket and See Twilight with Ashely if she is willing to come get me. But first I have to get some sleep so I better had off now. Good Night world.

11-11-11

11-11-11.....Was something suppose to happen? I understand that this is a once in a lifetime thing but to my family it was so much more. Yesterday was a 10 year mile stone of one of the worst nights of our lives. 10 years ago yesterday our house caught fire and most of the 2nd floor almost claiming the life of our cat who was saved due to much effort of a special fire fighter. My family got together last night to celebrate my moms birthday and to recognize just how far we have come and how truely bless we have been in those 10 years and although I missed the memory pumpkin pie.....I know that I still think about the event and will always be greatful to those that showed up that night. Without them; most of our memories before that would be lost as well as our dear Sammie. So after 10 years of hard memories....Thanks again for everything you did for us Fire Fighters!

Vacation at Home.

For those who knew I was counting down to my vacation last week; lets just say it didn't go according to plan. Zach and I never made it to VA or FL but we did manage to have a lot of fun here at home between the Doctors appts and Hospital visits. And although I know most would rather I type what we did...everything other than staying home and relaxing and hospitals was caught in pictures worth sharing so that's how I'm going to show you what we did. Enjoy....



Thing 1 & 2 return for a 2nd year in time to pass out candy

Katie and Alex

Kassie and Jessica were Titanic Survivors for Halloween