Perfect Night

 Yesterday was one of the "Perfect day" that Zach and I have and I'm so thankful and blessed that we have the quite often. Not so much perfect but Zach always tends to make me feel better and therefore its peaceful. We decided on dinner and a movie since he worked all day and I crafted and cleaned all day.
First we went to Smokey Bones for dinner for some pulled pork and sweet potato fries and after decorating plates and a good meal we were well on our way to go out and run around town. lol. We hit up all our normal craft spots and ended up finding the rest of the stuff needed for my rainbow dress so it was worth it. After playing in the craft stores we ended up at the theater waiting to see The Pirates and eating ice cream cones. (A day can only get better with mint chocolate chip ice cream. lol.) I think really the movie was the down fall of our evening. Although it had some funny corks to it; it wasn't worth what we paid to see it in 3D. Really it wasn't even worth Tinsel Town prices I felt. The first half was really slow and then everything good happened in the last 20 minutes. So there is your warning for that one. lol. OK well I really don't know what else to explain about other than the giggling and fun times we had so I will just leave ya with some pictures of the evening. :0)
Keep Smiling!

Romans 5:1-5

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I have to be honest with everyone when I say that lately I have not been myself. I'm sure people have noticed but in the last month along Zach and I have been through what seems like Hell and back and I am just really tired of everything. I have been feeling bad because my health is on the rocks and poor Zach has had to sit by my side more than any person should have too even though again and again he says he wouldn't have it any other way. The truth is...I have spent my whole life fighting and protecting that now that I cant fight anymore and there is physically nothing left for me to do; I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to stop protecting the ones I love from the things I fear the most which is leaving them behind. I'm angry because I know there is nothing I can do to protect them and instead of giving my fears to God; I realized that I'm running because I'm terrified. I was so angry that I stopped looking to the verses that have helped keep me going for so long and still hit just as hard and the first day I read them. I have started putting up all my walls again and at the same time I didn't realize that I was blocking the ones that really do love me and even worse God. I'm still terrified to let go because face it, I have lived my whole life fighting and even though "letting go" is the best option now; I understand that I need God and my loved ones to hold me while doing it. I realized after talking to a few new found friends in the last 2 nights that its OK to have those feelings but I really do need to keep doing the things I love with the people who love me even if its just in small ways. I need to brush off everything and try and live the way I know how with what I am giving just like before; one day at a time. So tonight I am finally going to get some sleep and then tomorrow I'm going to do something that I would do any other day. Even if its small. 

So Until Then, Keep Smiling!

Meet My Sister...

 Meet my big sister Kassie. She is one of many artistic siblings I have but she is very creative in her sewing and costume making skills. One of the many things that I do is photography so I love taking pictures of her finished projects. This week we wondered out into the cold and headed over the the Asbury Woods Nature Center to take pictures of a corset that she has recently made and these are just some of what we came up with.
Enjoy!

I'm Not Ordinary

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you Strength; while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Unknown. 


I heard this quote thanks to a very loving elderly lady that I once took care of and it has always stuck with me. Lately however things have been going in a downward spiral in my life and yesterday this hit me again really hard because honestly even though I have been really sick and everything seems to be going wrong in my life; I am very blessed to have Zach. He is my best friend and everything a person could want for as their other half. I know that I have been really hard to live with in the last few weeks and where most people would run and hide; he has remained right at my side constantly reminding me that he is not only there but here to help hold me up and help me through anything. Somehow He is my calm in the storm no matter what the problem is and I am very thankful that God has blessed me with him in my life.
Last night Zach showed up with tulips explaining to me how I am worth more than roses because roses are just too ordinary for me. :0) I love that he is completely different but so sweet even when I'm crying and ready to pull what hair isn't already falling out. lol. I can laugh about this now but in the long run this hit my heart just as hard as talking to my little old lady about falling in love. Zach was right...Just like the tulips; I am not ordinary so I don't know why I have allowed myself to start listening to the people telling me parts of my life are over when really new areas are beginning. I cant give up now and throw in the towel when Zach had stood by me and helped plan one of the best years of our lives. So I'm saying forget it to everyone who is keeping me down and moving forward with the people who will help boost me up while I'm already to tired to carry myself. And now with this choice...lets bring on what was suppose to be one of the best summers of our lives. Its time to bring on the year of Hope of 2012.
And in case I have never said it enough out loud...I love my Snail! (Zach)
Keep Smiling!

Birthday Weekend

This weekend was suppose to be one of the best Birthday weekends for awhile. I had everything planned and well spaced out but like always....my family and friends seem to find joy in ruining what makes me happy. Don't worry though... this year instead of trying to grin and bear it and cry after... I decided to cry for 5 minutes in the  beginning and then say forget about it. I got in my car and went with my heart.
Saturday I drove to Meadville to see my Great Grandma and my Great Aunt Diane and a few other distant family members who were in town. When I say distant I really mean from Virginia and Florida. lol. Anyways... My great grandma fell at her hotel Saturday morning so although we never left the room we did have a great time talking. After that I went to visit friends in Corry, Pa and what intended on being only a few hours ended up being well over 8. lol. Most of that Spent with Beth who loved her blanket and gave me a lot of piece of mind about everything going on lately. It really does help having someone who understands everything Zach and I go through. You would think that after and entire day of driving and visiting and laughing, I would have been tired but I scooped my sister and Zach up and we went to eat n park for a late night snack which ended in so much more laughing. I didn't even feel good but the 2 of them made me forget all about that.
Yesterday was Birthday celebration for my house... Zach bought me an ice cream cake which we shared with the people in my house and then went to see Katie and Alex and shared the rest of it with them. It actually ended up being a really relaxing day. And although it was a great weekend...I laughed so hard all weekend I feel like my ribs are bruised...if that were even possible. lol. So well worth it.
Today its back to reality and therefore back to the hospital for me. lol. wow that made it sound like a bad thing but really I love it and my oldies that I have grown to love there. So until we meet again....
Keep Smiling!

Beth's Blanket

Over the summer, I had the honor of meeting a special friend named Beth who happens to be going through a few different health problems. I know that most people probably expect me to get in what kind, how long and all of that good stuff but since I like to honors people's privacy...all you get to know is that Beth is an amazing person and despite everything she has gone through she has a very clear understanding of what I go through on a daily basis or at least we can share a lot of it. Its because of this that I wanted to do something special for her and so I have decided to make her a blanket to cuddle with on her hospital stays. I think that its very important to have something both comforting and colorful with you while recovering from anything because it helps boost the spirits and keep the moods semi cheerful for people around you as well.

So this is Beth's Blanket. I have been working on it around everything in my life in the last month, trying to get it done for her only to find out that she also shares a birthday week with me. So what a better time to finish it. lol.
Now normally I would love to take all the credit for this but there is one special purple flower that was added to this blanket in the last week, that wasnt my own doing. Unfortunately my neice ended up sick earlier this week and needed to spend the morning with me while my sister was at work, and decided that learning to crochet was important to her. Since she is only 4 and I had been working on this blanket for so long I though that maybe if I distracted her she would forget but honestly she seemed to pick it up really quickly and definately wasnt going to give up on the flower that I told her she could add. She actually carried that purple flower around until it was time to add it to the right spot and when the time came it added a Gabby Size love to the blanket. She did such a good job and we had such an amazing day that we almost hated to part ways just like I always do with my sisters kids. But with Gabbys Help I was able to finish Beth's blanket because she was determind to get that flower in place. lol. Now I know that if I need someone to keep me going on my projects to go crochet with her. lol.

Feelings Unleashed...

I'm sorry that I haven't posted on this blog in awhile. In all honesty I had almost created a new blog and had ever intention of leaving this blog behind and just starting over. But then I realized that I'm sick of change. I feel like I am been constantly forced to change because the people around me are never happy with my life and I am SO Over it. I am done pleasing people or keeping my mouth shut when they shoot me done. Its one thing to be the better person but to let people make me feel ashamed of who I am and what I do is completely different and the truth is... I'm not ashamed of the things in me life. Sure there are things that I'm not proud of but they are still apart of my life. And I wouldn't trade any of the good memories to get rid of the bad. I know that might sound crazy but in my mind its kind of like a book. Just different chapters and I know just where I want this book to go. So I have decided that its time that I not so much delete people from my life but leave behind. I have been all over the place lately because I have realized that not only have people been treating me like crap but they have been using me to get what they want. Even those who are considered my best friends. I'm still trying to process it all but with other health issues and getting ready to have surgery it is really important to me that I know who I can trust and in all honesty...I don't know who that is. I just know that I'm too tired of trying to correct people when they decide to change my life and whats going on to better please themselves. So from now on I am just going to do what I always planned and journal it. Not for anyone but for myself. As for my life... I am happy with where I am. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them even when they drive me crazy. And Zach... even though he might break my heart sometimes.... I know that the things I love about him always come through and no matter what He is my guy and the only thing right now I see worth fighting for. In the end he really is the only person who has been here for me. Which is funny because as soon as he messes up everyone wants me to get rid of him. I think its kind of funny actually considering he is really the only thing keeping me going these days. I cant say that about any of my friends and therefore I have decided to take time off from people in general to just recoup and get reacquainted with myself which is what this year was suppose to be about in the first place. A year for Zach and I to try new things and find what we really love about this world. (Not that one year could ever be enough time for this.) So I guess this year is starting now...at this very moment. Maybe during this journey I will find some peace, which I have been hoping to find for weeks but until then its just the raw sense of reality and a teddy bear standing at my side and for that I love him.