Progress!

So I am just going to cut to the chase to say that I finally stood after a month of battling infections and the fear of loosing my leg. I also finally got to take a shower since I have the wound vac and they were able to cover both ports from getting wet and it was a wonderful feeling. I can tell you that I weight 84 pounds clean and dressed but that is still a far cry from 115. I'm getting there though. Finally starting to eat food and making progress. Other than that, my sisters managed to sneak in this weekend against advisement and I'm SO thankful that they did. I am also very thankful for Beth and our great talks. I think I might have mentioned that she gave me homework the other day when we talked but after trying to do it and seeing that our bibles are too different....I had to beg for a KJV to be allowed in the room after the cleaning process and now my interest is sparked to see just how different all my favorite verses are between the 2 versions. (I have NIV). Otherwise I still feel like I am learning a great deal even though I haven't been to church in awhile and that is just a blessing and answered prayer for me. I love that I have a friend that I can share EVERYTHING on my mind with. Fears, dreams, Goals and that keeps me learning and encouraging me not only physically but spiritually. Its definitely an answered prayer. 

Otherwise I have just been resting, enjoying my sisters and brother's company, scrap booking with Studio J and crocheting. So not much at all. lol. NOT. Here are a few pictures and then I am off to rest. 

Blanket I am making for Kassie

Keep Smiling!

Day 27

Its crazy to think that it has been 27 days already. This last week alone has been kind of a blur to me and a bad blur at that but I will say that I am very thankful to be here with 10 fingers and 10 toes. :0) I am also very thankful because even though this last week as left me in very poor health; I am thankful to say that I was blessed with some very special friends and family and I could have never gotten it through without their love and constant reminder that I am loved and that God is on our side. :0) Things are finally starting to pick up. My infection is starting to go away with the help of a wound vac and my counts are starting to come up. I was at 456 as of today. I have a lot of goals that I will have to complete before going home and starting money; I am in for a long road of recovery to get back to normal. Before getting back home I will need to get rid of the cath and be able to walk to the bathroom and back. I will have to be able to get myself dressed and I will have to weight at least 115 pounds. Sounds like a easy task sure...unless you are the one weighing 82 pounds and stuck in bed with not energy. But I know that within time it will come up. I will also have to have my counts up to 1000 for at least 2 weeks so Beth and I are counting....each day we wait. We have so many plans for when we can finally see each other. :0) I know that I wont be able to do much when I first get home because I will still have rehab and my counts have to be really up before I can do anything but I still cant wait to just be home and able to do crafts in my own house. :0) 

Did I mention that I was finally allowed to have yarn?! Meg had to clean it properly before it could come in which takes literally 3 days but so worth it! Meet Sunshine and Sunbeam....

Since I was allowed yarn I have made almost 7 of these bunnies. One bunny is still in need of ears  but after one of my long talks with Sunshine....we decided to leave the last bunny without ears so he can "hear no evil". lol. If only people knew the conversations between the two of us. God really has blessed me with a best friend during this time. I could never be thankful enough for her and her encouraging words lately. I am also very thankful for my brother and my step mom....well and all my little sisters. Its amazing to have such a strong support system. and lets definitely not forget GOD. I am very thankful to be here writing this at all right now and although I have a LONG way to go from here I am very thankful for answered prayers and God helping me with my patience in being stuck here. I plan on using the time wisely between bible studies with my brother, scrap booking, crocheting and of coarse lots of rehab in different areas. lol. But in the end I know it will be a start of a whole new chapter in my life...after 8 years; can you believe it? I cant and as the 8 year date is only a few weeks away all I can think of is wow....8 years is a long cry from 6 months and I'm thanking God for all of it. Both good and Bad. Sure there are parts I would love to trade in but there is no part of it that didn't make me or the people around me the people they are today and so even though I have struggled a lot I am thankful for God's unknown purpose of and in my life. 

Well I guess now that I have written most of everything in my heart I should try and sleep considering its almost 4am. But I would like to say one more thing....to the random person who sent me yellow roses even though I cant have them in the room... I love you so much right now. Whoever you are, (and I have a few guesses) I am very thankful that you care enough to carry on my grandpas legacy enough to keep my spirits up. It means a great deal to me and the yellow roses of hope will not go without much thanks. They are beautiful. 

Now I am off to bed. Praying for you all from my little room. 

Keep Smiling!

Canso's and Kutless

A lot of things have happening in my life and my family's that for privacy sake I cant post here but I can say that we could use a lot of prayer for my sister Ashely and her family. As for me, I have been here over 3 weeks now and it just seems like forever but things are starting to pick up. They are not sure what is going to happen with my leg but sadly we will know in a few hours; or once I wake up anyways. No matter what though I know that it is for the best. Everything has a purpose and I know things will work out in the end. So other than being scared of not knowing what will happen next and what Purpose God has in all this after an 8 year battle; I just know that I love HIM and my family and best friends. Not to mention all the doctors who are struggling right now because after 8 years of struggling, they are so close to beating this with me. We CAN do this guys! I can feel it. :0)
As for the Canso and Kutless.... I know a few of you have been following me for a few years now and remember back in 2010, I received something called a CANSO. It was a small necklace that was shaped in the form of a person dancing. It is suppose to represent my spirit. It also came with a paper explaining what it was and this is what it said...
"I am your CanSo...
I am a visual representation of your indomitable spirit.
Look Closely...
...I am a body in motion, to signify the carefully orchestrated steps you take as you move through this journey we call life. 
I am not running away from the enormous challenges you face, but instead putting my best foot forward and staying one step ahead of them. 
I am carrying your heart with me every step of the way. Know that I will never lose heart no matter how dark the days might become. 
I am blanketed in white to encourage you to blanket yourself in the light, peace and purity you need to heal... and my iridescence reminds you not to let this challenge take your sparkle from you. 
I am small enough to be held in your hand to keep you ever mindful of the fragility of life.
I am all those things, but more importantly I am here so when they say you can't. you will never forget...
....You CanSo!
Along with my faith and Bible, this has often been hung close by to remind me that it will be ok. I dont know why it gives me a calm sense but up until Lately it has been hanging in my living room so it is the first thing I see when walking into my house. Thankfully when I needed it the most; one of my best friends brought it to me last night along with my Happy Blanket. 
As for the Kutless part of the title.... A friend of mine introduced me to this song the other night and I have been playing it almost non stop sense. It made me cry at first because it has hit so close to home. I really do mean it when I say that I love God no matter what today and tomorrow brings. With HIM I know I can get through anything. Anyways, I shall post the song so you can listen for yourself. Then I am off to determine the fate of my leg. :0( 
Praying for all of you and hope you are all Smiling! 

Kutless "Even If"

Hurry Up and Wait....

Its seems like a lot has happened since the last time I blogged. We moved Katie into college and Ash and the kids moved in with my parents and all of the kids have since started school. Every ones' lives seem to have changed majorly with school starting but so far they all seem to be for the better even though I miss my nieces and nephew a lot. They were kinda a lot to handle really early in the morning but they were rather entertaining. I would like to even say that things in the new apartment are coming together more as well but really, I have been to sick to really get the chance to do much more with the apartment. The only think I have been doing other than being at the hospital since the last time I have blogged was photo shoots and crocheting. Both of which I love and now that my entire life seems to be on hold due to illness and treatments; I think its time to finally get into the scrap booking that I have been meaning to do. I have SO Many pictures and since the next 6 months are going to be different non-the-less. I think that is the best option. So don't be surprised if you see a lot of photos popping up after I get done over at Studio J working on the pages. :0) Its going to be more fun because Zach is going to be helping me get them all into albums. :0) Its so great to have some supportive friends. Otherwise I will be popping in and out between now and Christmas but not much will be happening here because of health. :0( Anyways....now time for pictures! lol. 

Here's what I have been doing before ending up here in health limbo.....

Blanket and Lion for Beth's sister

Ashely's kids the last week I had them

Kassie's Elizibethian Gown

So these are just some of the things you will see popping up in the scrap booking pages. I'm really getting excited to finally be stuck in bed long enough to get this done. Is that sad? Maybe its just making the best out of a long situation...who knows. I just know its back to the waiting game and waiting for my counts to start picking up and kicking in. 

Keep Smiling!

Day of Not So Much Rest

I would like to say that I am home and yesterday was a day of rest for me but really it was a rather busy day. I had to play catch up with bills and changing of addresses for a million different things and then even thought I could barely stand, I was so tired; I had to clean my fridge and do the dishes because everything pretty much expired this week and garbage comes tomorrow. I also am happy to say that Time Warner came to set up my house phone and Internet so I don't have to wait to go to Grandpas in order to update now. :0) I think I would be lying if I said i was happy to see them though because honestly I was so tired I was falling asleep in the chair while they were outside and that's why I decided to clean instead of sleeping right away. You better believe I napped after though. lol. Otherwise I took it easy. I finally got to talk to Beth and I had to use up the cookie dough in the fridge so I made cookies for my Step mom and the kids over there. They loved them. :0) I also enjoy a very nice long chat with my Step Mom yesterday and I got to hear all about when her mom was in town as well as a little bit more about her growing up. She is also working on a special craft project which is very detailed but very interesting as well. Basically its screen printing but VERY detailed. I was pretty amazed by it.

As for my crafting....I am working on 2 blankets at once but more so on the blanket I am making for Beth to give to her sister. Its for her soon to be here baby boy. :0) I have never used this brand of yarn before so it is taking me a little longer but again I am drawn to the star shaped pattern. I am also doing a star for the other blanket I am working on but I will talk about that blanket more later. Right now I am focusing on finishing this blanket and maybe a little animal to go with it because I will have extra yarn and I have stuffing that needs to be used. I am just trying to decide on which animal I would like to do. Any suggestions from my crochet friends?
Otherwise today I am really feeling pretty crappy so I am resting and about to head to the hospital again for a bit.
I hope you are all well and enjoying the sun.
Keep Smiling.

One More Round - I will beat This!

For those of you who may be new to my blog, you should know that I am a very musical person. I believe that music can often help a person get their feelings out and it even relieves my stress to just sing and let all that pent up energy out. At the moment I really don't have the energy to sing at the top of my lungs but I can say that I have been listening to BarlowGirl all day and singing at the top of my lung from the very bottom of my soul. One song in particular has struck me hard this week because up until now I have felt that I have had one of the strongest support system while being sick however now that it seems like eternity of fighting; I am realizing that a lot of that support system is really not on my side but rather just uses my health to remind themselves each day that someone else has it worse or to gain personal benefits by being my friend. I am honestly in one of the toughest chapters of my life and when I got here this week, I can honestly say that I have never felt so alone. It was if I was checking into a life that I didn't know where it was going to go and if I was going to make it through the day let alone week. Most of the people I normally would talk to in this time are the people who have recently proven that they are here for the wrong reasons and so I have shut down. I have realized that now; in the toughest chapter of my life I need to be around people who are going to not only going to love me but going to support my choice and will to fight this and to support my faith and help me grow. I feel like I have just given up my life to make everyone happy and its never been a better time to just say Forget it all and finally do what is right for me. I do have my families love and support and that means the world to me and I also have some very close friends who I plan on taking on this journey with me but other than those few people, I am planning on leaving many behind and after much prayer; I know this is what I am suppose to be doing. I'm sure I will meet others a long the way but I have put my guard up really high now and I just want people who are going to support me and help me grown without judging. I'm sure I will hit bumps in the roads but I know that God and the support system I have will get me through this.
So with all that said...Let the journey begin. I know I'm in for a long ride but I know God is holding me in His hands and I'm not afraid to just lay there while I fight for what is really important.
I posted the song below for those who wish to listen otherwise I am praying everyone is well.



Keep Smiling!

New Beginnings...

For those who were wondering in the last few days, No I did not delete all my old posts. I simply removed them so I could put them into scrapbook form as I am starting a rather large new journey in my life. Up until now my life and just seemed to stressful and cluttered. People keep walking all over me and I have had a lot of people in my life that just really don't need to be here. In the last week I have been weening those people out and really trying to focus on my health and life. The next 8 weeks are really going to be the hardest and that is why I feel it is the best time to start a new chapter. I need people in my life who are going to be supportive and I also want people in my life who want me in their life just as much as I want them in mine. If you are willing to be apart of that journey then feel free to stick around but be prepared, this is my blog and my journey so I will be writing about my feelings and although I don't plan on offending anyone, I just want to make it clean that I have the right to feel in the first place. this is a huge part of why I am cutting people out of my life. However for those that are willing to join me, this will also be exciting as I just moved into a place of my own and although my health isn't the greatest, I plan on making it a rather fun adventure in decorating myself and finding the fun things to do around the new place. :0) For right now though, I have to go get working on some of those health issues we talked about. I hope this finds everyone I love, well.
Keep Smiling.