Short Version of Recent Events...

So I have been meaning to post but due to illness and then getting a new kidney; I have been well to busy and semi drugged to post. The last week has been a pretty big blur but I can start with last weekend when although I really didn't feel good, I had a blast because Saturday I spent almost all day with my best friend Beth; (often referred to as sunshine) and we just sat around are chatted. It was so nice to just sit around and talk in person finally and not on the phone with 3 or more hours between us. It felt so nice being home the few days I was home that I cant wait to return home after this stay and finally be home longer than a week. Sadly last Saturday night I ended up not feeling very well but still pushed myself to go to church which is much needed. I would love to say that Zach finally went with me and He actually enjoyed it. He didn't mind driving and we actually made a day of it. After we church we decided to try and find Zach another leather needle which was a bust but we did finally get the bubbles and glow sticks to try to glow in the dark bubble idea which was a huge fail and not to mention we did confirm that glow sticks really do have glass in them and are NOT child friendly. While doing so....we found Zach's famous hats!

 and then...I found a matching hat and the games began....

Shortly after arriving home and resting, I got a call asking me to come into Millcreek for dialysis because my counts and central line was down and I could feel myself getting sick. One thing lead to another...I ended up getting sent to Cleveland then to Boston and now we are here and I am happy to say that I have a new kidney given to me by one of my younger sisters. One of the greatest gift I could have ever received on top of marrow that she has already given me twice. She really is a blessing. :0) Mariah and I are both doing great and She is set to go home Monday and I will return to Cleveland until my counts continue to come up. :0) Then in a few weeks I will also get to return home and back to my "normal" life; if I even know what that is. I really cant wait though! 

Well I think I am going to go rest for a bit but I will return and I will try and stay update more with my posting and my scrap booking. Slowly my energy is returning and I cant wait to share more with everyone. 

Love you all and Keep Smiling! 

Whats next?

I'm sorry to say this is not a happy post. I am really lost right now because although I have gotten the best news ever this past week, each day I am reminded that just because I have a clean scan; things just don't snap back to being simple. I am still 40 pounds under weight, I can barely move and my counts are too low to go out....So when do things finally get back to normal and really after 8 years...what is normal? I want to know because I honestly don't think I know what it is. I was looking at my goals from when I was first diagnosed and I realized that I have literally after Monday; outlived all of my people to fight for other than Zach and Kat. That terrifies me. I am missing out on saying goodbye to the only other fatherly figures in my life because of being in Cleveland again for complications and it just really hit me hard this week. Like crying for 3 days straight crying. I don't know what I am suppose to do from here. I have always been strong in my faith, and I always knew God had a greater plan for me but as I sit here in the bed tonight, I cant help but wondering what is my purpose? And why is it so lonely? Why do I feel more lost now than ever? 

.....I'm just not sure. I guess I have a lot on my heart and a lot to pray for; I'm just really tired of fighting and really tired of crying so now I'm just praying God hears my silent prayers from my very tired heart. 

2909...

That's how many days it has taken for me to finally get a clean scan. :0) So finally, just 11 days shy of 8 years...I'm in remission. :0) The words are still very overwhelming to me. I cant even begin to describe the feelings I have right now. This is a time to celebrate. :0) I'm home, finally starting to make progress, I have clean scans...so what am I doing now? lol. Actually I'm doing laundry. HA HA! I still have a lot of rehab to do and a lot to get used to but at least I don't have the heavy feeling over me wondering if everything is going to work. Now I get to worry about normal stuff like work and chores and I get to help encourage and be there for my friends in their journeys just as much as they have been there for me. There is still so much more I want to do and after my rehab on my femur I know I can do almost all of it. :0) I just cant wait either!

Progress!

So I am just going to cut to the chase to say that I finally stood after a month of battling infections and the fear of loosing my leg. I also finally got to take a shower since I have the wound vac and they were able to cover both ports from getting wet and it was a wonderful feeling. I can tell you that I weight 84 pounds clean and dressed but that is still a far cry from 115. I'm getting there though. Finally starting to eat food and making progress. Other than that, my sisters managed to sneak in this weekend against advisement and I'm SO thankful that they did. I am also very thankful for Beth and our great talks. I think I might have mentioned that she gave me homework the other day when we talked but after trying to do it and seeing that our bibles are too different....I had to beg for a KJV to be allowed in the room after the cleaning process and now my interest is sparked to see just how different all my favorite verses are between the 2 versions. (I have NIV). Otherwise I still feel like I am learning a great deal even though I haven't been to church in awhile and that is just a blessing and answered prayer for me. I love that I have a friend that I can share EVERYTHING on my mind with. Fears, dreams, Goals and that keeps me learning and encouraging me not only physically but spiritually. Its definitely an answered prayer. 

Otherwise I have just been resting, enjoying my sisters and brother's company, scrap booking with Studio J and crocheting. So not much at all. lol. NOT. Here are a few pictures and then I am off to rest. 

Blanket I am making for Kassie

Keep Smiling!

Day 27

Its crazy to think that it has been 27 days already. This last week alone has been kind of a blur to me and a bad blur at that but I will say that I am very thankful to be here with 10 fingers and 10 toes. :0) I am also very thankful because even though this last week as left me in very poor health; I am thankful to say that I was blessed with some very special friends and family and I could have never gotten it through without their love and constant reminder that I am loved and that God is on our side. :0) Things are finally starting to pick up. My infection is starting to go away with the help of a wound vac and my counts are starting to come up. I was at 456 as of today. I have a lot of goals that I will have to complete before going home and starting money; I am in for a long road of recovery to get back to normal. Before getting back home I will need to get rid of the cath and be able to walk to the bathroom and back. I will have to be able to get myself dressed and I will have to weight at least 115 pounds. Sounds like a easy task sure...unless you are the one weighing 82 pounds and stuck in bed with not energy. But I know that within time it will come up. I will also have to have my counts up to 1000 for at least 2 weeks so Beth and I are counting....each day we wait. We have so many plans for when we can finally see each other. :0) I know that I wont be able to do much when I first get home because I will still have rehab and my counts have to be really up before I can do anything but I still cant wait to just be home and able to do crafts in my own house. :0) 

Did I mention that I was finally allowed to have yarn?! Meg had to clean it properly before it could come in which takes literally 3 days but so worth it! Meet Sunshine and Sunbeam....

Since I was allowed yarn I have made almost 7 of these bunnies. One bunny is still in need of ears  but after one of my long talks with Sunshine....we decided to leave the last bunny without ears so he can "hear no evil". lol. If only people knew the conversations between the two of us. God really has blessed me with a best friend during this time. I could never be thankful enough for her and her encouraging words lately. I am also very thankful for my brother and my step mom....well and all my little sisters. Its amazing to have such a strong support system. and lets definitely not forget GOD. I am very thankful to be here writing this at all right now and although I have a LONG way to go from here I am very thankful for answered prayers and God helping me with my patience in being stuck here. I plan on using the time wisely between bible studies with my brother, scrap booking, crocheting and of coarse lots of rehab in different areas. lol. But in the end I know it will be a start of a whole new chapter in my life...after 8 years; can you believe it? I cant and as the 8 year date is only a few weeks away all I can think of is wow....8 years is a long cry from 6 months and I'm thanking God for all of it. Both good and Bad. Sure there are parts I would love to trade in but there is no part of it that didn't make me or the people around me the people they are today and so even though I have struggled a lot I am thankful for God's unknown purpose of and in my life. 

Well I guess now that I have written most of everything in my heart I should try and sleep considering its almost 4am. But I would like to say one more thing....to the random person who sent me yellow roses even though I cant have them in the room... I love you so much right now. Whoever you are, (and I have a few guesses) I am very thankful that you care enough to carry on my grandpas legacy enough to keep my spirits up. It means a great deal to me and the yellow roses of hope will not go without much thanks. They are beautiful. 

Now I am off to bed. Praying for you all from my little room. 

Keep Smiling!

Canso's and Kutless

A lot of things have happening in my life and my family's that for privacy sake I cant post here but I can say that we could use a lot of prayer for my sister Ashely and her family. As for me, I have been here over 3 weeks now and it just seems like forever but things are starting to pick up. They are not sure what is going to happen with my leg but sadly we will know in a few hours; or once I wake up anyways. No matter what though I know that it is for the best. Everything has a purpose and I know things will work out in the end. So other than being scared of not knowing what will happen next and what Purpose God has in all this after an 8 year battle; I just know that I love HIM and my family and best friends. Not to mention all the doctors who are struggling right now because after 8 years of struggling, they are so close to beating this with me. We CAN do this guys! I can feel it. :0)
As for the Canso and Kutless.... I know a few of you have been following me for a few years now and remember back in 2010, I received something called a CANSO. It was a small necklace that was shaped in the form of a person dancing. It is suppose to represent my spirit. It also came with a paper explaining what it was and this is what it said...
"I am your CanSo...
I am a visual representation of your indomitable spirit.
Look Closely...
...I am a body in motion, to signify the carefully orchestrated steps you take as you move through this journey we call life. 
I am not running away from the enormous challenges you face, but instead putting my best foot forward and staying one step ahead of them. 
I am carrying your heart with me every step of the way. Know that I will never lose heart no matter how dark the days might become. 
I am blanketed in white to encourage you to blanket yourself in the light, peace and purity you need to heal... and my iridescence reminds you not to let this challenge take your sparkle from you. 
I am small enough to be held in your hand to keep you ever mindful of the fragility of life.
I am all those things, but more importantly I am here so when they say you can't. you will never forget...
....You CanSo!
Along with my faith and Bible, this has often been hung close by to remind me that it will be ok. I dont know why it gives me a calm sense but up until Lately it has been hanging in my living room so it is the first thing I see when walking into my house. Thankfully when I needed it the most; one of my best friends brought it to me last night along with my Happy Blanket. 
As for the Kutless part of the title.... A friend of mine introduced me to this song the other night and I have been playing it almost non stop sense. It made me cry at first because it has hit so close to home. I really do mean it when I say that I love God no matter what today and tomorrow brings. With HIM I know I can get through anything. Anyways, I shall post the song so you can listen for yourself. Then I am off to determine the fate of my leg. :0( 
Praying for all of you and hope you are all Smiling! 

Kutless "Even If"

Hurry Up and Wait....

Its seems like a lot has happened since the last time I blogged. We moved Katie into college and Ash and the kids moved in with my parents and all of the kids have since started school. Every ones' lives seem to have changed majorly with school starting but so far they all seem to be for the better even though I miss my nieces and nephew a lot. They were kinda a lot to handle really early in the morning but they were rather entertaining. I would like to even say that things in the new apartment are coming together more as well but really, I have been to sick to really get the chance to do much more with the apartment. The only think I have been doing other than being at the hospital since the last time I have blogged was photo shoots and crocheting. Both of which I love and now that my entire life seems to be on hold due to illness and treatments; I think its time to finally get into the scrap booking that I have been meaning to do. I have SO Many pictures and since the next 6 months are going to be different non-the-less. I think that is the best option. So don't be surprised if you see a lot of photos popping up after I get done over at Studio J working on the pages. :0) Its going to be more fun because Zach is going to be helping me get them all into albums. :0) Its so great to have some supportive friends. Otherwise I will be popping in and out between now and Christmas but not much will be happening here because of health. :0( Anyways....now time for pictures! lol. 

Here's what I have been doing before ending up here in health limbo.....

Blanket and Lion for Beth's sister

Ashely's kids the last week I had them

Kassie's Elizibethian Gown

So these are just some of the things you will see popping up in the scrap booking pages. I'm really getting excited to finally be stuck in bed long enough to get this done. Is that sad? Maybe its just making the best out of a long situation...who knows. I just know its back to the waiting game and waiting for my counts to start picking up and kicking in. 

Keep Smiling!