Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Day of Not So Much Rest

I would like to say that I am home and yesterday was a day of rest for me but really it was a rather busy day. I had to play catch up with bills and changing of addresses for a million different things and then even thought I could barely stand, I was so tired; I had to clean my fridge and do the dishes because everything pretty much expired this week and garbage comes tomorrow. I also am happy to say that Time Warner came to set up my house phone and Internet so I don't have to wait to go to Grandpas in order to update now. :0) I think I would be lying if I said i was happy to see them though because honestly I was so tired I was falling asleep in the chair while they were outside and that's why I decided to clean instead of sleeping right away. You better believe I napped after though. lol. Otherwise I took it easy. I finally got to talk to Beth and I had to use up the cookie dough in the fridge so I made cookies for my Step mom and the kids over there. They loved them. :0) I also enjoy a very nice long chat with my Step Mom yesterday and I got to hear all about when her mom was in town as well as a little bit more about her growing up. She is also working on a special craft project which is very detailed but very interesting as well. Basically its screen printing but VERY detailed. I was pretty amazed by it.

As for my crafting....I am working on 2 blankets at once but more so on the blanket I am making for Beth to give to her sister. Its for her soon to be here baby boy. :0) I have never used this brand of yarn before so it is taking me a little longer but again I am drawn to the star shaped pattern. I am also doing a star for the other blanket I am working on but I will talk about that blanket more later. Right now I am focusing on finishing this blanket and maybe a little animal to go with it because I will have extra yarn and I have stuffing that needs to be used. I am just trying to decide on which animal I would like to do. Any suggestions from my crochet friends?
Otherwise today I am really feeling pretty crappy so I am resting and about to head to the hospital again for a bit.
I hope you are all well and enjoying the sun.
Keep Smiling.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

One More Round - I will beat This!

For those of you who may be new to my blog, you should know that I am a very musical person. I believe that music can often help a person get their feelings out and it even relieves my stress to just sing and let all that pent up energy out. At the moment I really don't have the energy to sing at the top of my lungs but I can say that I have been listening to BarlowGirl all day and singing at the top of my lung from the very bottom of my soul. One song in particular has struck me hard this week because up until now I have felt that I have had one of the strongest support system while being sick however now that it seems like eternity of fighting; I am realizing that a lot of that support system is really not on my side but rather just uses my health to remind themselves each day that someone else has it worse or to gain personal benefits by being my friend. I am honestly in one of the toughest chapters of my life and when I got here this week, I can honestly say that I have never felt so alone. It was if I was checking into a life that I didn't know where it was going to go and if I was going to make it through the day let alone week. Most of the people I normally would talk to in this time are the people who have recently proven that they are here for the wrong reasons and so I have shut down. I have realized that now; in the toughest chapter of my life I need to be around people who are going to not only going to love me but going to support my choice and will to fight this and to support my faith and help me grow. I feel like I have just given up my life to make everyone happy and its never been a better time to just say Forget it all and finally do what is right for me. I do have my families love and support and that means the world to me and I also have some very close friends who I plan on taking on this journey with me but other than those few people, I am planning on leaving many behind and after much prayer; I know this is what I am suppose to be doing. I'm sure I will meet others a long the way but I have put my guard up really high now and I just want people who are going to support me and help me grown without judging. I'm sure I will hit bumps in the roads but I know that God and the support system I have will get me through this.
So with all that said...Let the journey begin. I know I'm in for a long ride but I know God is holding me in His hands and I'm not afraid to just lay there while I fight for what is really important.
I posted the song below for those who wish to listen otherwise I am praying everyone is well.

Keep Smiling!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

New Beginnings...

For those who were wondering in the last few days, No I did not delete all my old posts. I simply removed them so I could put them into scrapbook form as I am starting a rather large new journey in my life. Up until now my life and just seemed to stressful and cluttered. People keep walking all over me and I have had a lot of people in my life that just really don't need to be here. In the last week I have been weening those people out and really trying to focus on my health and life. The next 8 weeks are really going to be the hardest and that is why I feel it is the best time to start a new chapter. I need people in my life who are going to be supportive and I also want people in my life who want me in their life just as much as I want them in mine. If you are willing to be apart of that journey then feel free to stick around but be prepared, this is my blog and my journey so I will be writing about my feelings and although I don't plan on offending anyone, I just want to make it clean that I have the right to feel in the first place. this is a huge part of why I am cutting people out of my life. However for those that are willing to join me, this will also be exciting as I just moved into a place of my own and although my health isn't the greatest, I plan on making it a rather fun adventure in decorating myself and finding the fun things to do around the new place. :0) For right now though, I have to go get working on some of those health issues we talked about. I hope this finds everyone I love, well.
Keep Smiling.