Sunday, March 28, 2010

I really Need to get on the ball...but first.....

So Again I have to say that when it pours and I am pretty exhausted and bummed but instead of whining; I would like to share a picture with you of my visit with Tom, Shell and Thomas. I love my God Son. :)
Keep Smiling!

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Princess and The Frog and the Time Travelers Wife.....

Things have been still stressful in ways but are still slowly working themselves out. I managed to finally make it to one of the church bible studies and it was a lot of fun. Its nice to see that they get side tracked almost as much as me. lol. Then today I rested most of the day but did get out to DQ with Kassie and then we stopped to get some movies from the red box. she got a scary one and I rented The Time Travelers Wife and the Princess and the Frog. (there I said it. lol.) I just watched the Time Travelers Wife while working on one of the 7 baby blankets that I have to make and I really think I was disappointed in it. I think maybe I expected too much of the movie. The Princess and the Frog I know I like, but I'm not going to watch it again tonight because I am going to go visit Gram tomorrow and watch it with her. :) then Sunday I am going to head to Pittsburgh with Tom. YAY. lol. I will definitely take pictures while I am there.
Well I'm off to shower and head to fun. lol. Keep Smiling!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Slowly making my way there....

So like I posted before, Today was spring cleaning day. It was actually really productive and I got almost everything I wanted done, Done. I have slowly been finding a place for my belongings since I have moved back home a few months ago but between all the craziness, things have been thrown around and mixed up and today I finally got to go through and get rid of a lot. I took all the clothes that were now to big for me, to the Good Will along with a bunch of the books that my grandma sent that I never really read or else read a long time ago and were taking much needed space up. Just with taking what I did out of the room, it made a HUGE difference. I worked on organizing my craft stuff and realized while putting stuff away that the crown Mara gave me for my birthday last week matches Princess Piggy perfectly so I replaced my crown with this one. :) Shortly after I sat down and figured finances out and although it is definitely not $22,000, I still have $10,936.75 to pay off for various things and that in not even counting the remaining medical bills that I will add in within the next week. This definitely puts a damper on my "Year of Awareness that I wanted to do but I am not really too worried about it because I realized that it still really doesn't effect that too much. It just means that I am starting later and maybe will just have to extend my period for my Alex's booth. (Will post more about it later tonight.) I think maybe instead this should be my year for finishing my unfinished projects and then work on starting the new ones. I will still do a few things to help raise my goal of $500 for Alex's Lemonade Stand but I think for the most part I am going to auction my wedding dress off and donate the money and then do a few other things later this summer. The wedding dress is also taking up much needed space in my closet and holds bad memories for me. In moving on, I really don't want any reminders hiding in the closet so I might as well use it for a good cause right?
Another thing I have been thinking about today is how the older siblings in my family are constantly stressing me out. I think it has come down to the final opinion which is really to just tolerate them when I have to and concentrate on the younger siblings that actually need me. I think maybe it is a blessing that God gave me another generation of siblings although it comes with its difference too but at least they don't stress me out as much. I tried not letting things get to me  but there is a difference of "things getting to you" and them just not wanting you around, so I am just going to spend the time with the people that count. Why waist my time right? I am also opening up more to Jack with my family and he loved my sisters and family just as much as me and could understand why the older ones stressed me out so its kind of nice having someone who cares about me more than impressing my family. Not that we are going out out or anything but it is still nice having him there.
Well I guess I am off to go back to listening to The Sqeakquel Soundtrack and working on baby blankets. That would be 7 of the 20 items on my list. lol. Got to get cracking. Here is a better picture of the one I am working on. The cell picture last night didn't really get the colors. Lets hope it turns out better in the end then I thought i would at first. Wasn't too sure on the colors. Hmmm.... what do you think about the colors?
Keep Smiling!

Spring Cleaning.....

I feel so much better after actually having time to sleep and process some stuff last night. Today I am refreshed and ready to go after what feels like 3 weeks of hell, so what do I decide to do on a day full of sunshine? Spring Cleaning.... It is amazing how much stuff can pile up around here that we don't need so I am going threw and taking some of the older clothes to Good will, switching the winter sheets with the summer ones and getting rid of some of this dust going on here in this room. Its hard to clean clean in here with all of Kassie's craft stuff in here as well but I think that it will get easier once things are actually put away and some of the old stuff is gone. Maybe if it doesn't take too long.....I will go take some pictures today. Maybe visit my pirate. Alls I know is that I need to get out of this sad and depressed mood. Its not me and it is not what my family needs right now. So Moving On into spring.... lets get this work done and get out of the house!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hospitals and Night off...

Well the last few weeks have been really rough and apparently the stress of it all kicked up my heart murmur which I haven't had problems with since I was 16 and even then it was briefly. Here I thought I was having problems with my asthma but there was just one problem...had the tightness in my chest but I could still breath. Although you want to talk about dizzy? Anyways....the problem is working itself out and I have things I have to do now that I'm home but I did meet someone today at the hospital who shocked me more than ever. I met a crazy male who somehow swallowed his retainer while eating a strawberry and is now in the process of "passing it". Doesn't that sound terrible?! After hearing this, I will never complain about not being able to breathe again! lol.
All in All things have calmed down a lot here. Because of the events of this past weekend I have decided to choose one of the events that I was invited too this upcoming weekend because there was no way I could do everything. I was invited to a baby shower, 4 birthday parties, a bridal shower and I was suppose to go to take pictures for a friend this weekend of her and her daughter. There is a possibility that 1 if not 2 of these things will happen however I plan on going out of town Sunday to bury 2 people very close to my heart where they asked to be buried and that trumps everything and with the stress of so many events I think it is just best I take things slow.
Speaking of taking it slow... I am finally getting the time to spend with my dad and get to really know my little sisters. As a matter of fact, I am so enjoying hanging with Mariah and Kirsten that they had me laughing so hard on Saturday I almost forgot everything that was going on around me. I think that Jack was ready to burst from laughing as well so maybe watching the younger generation grow up isn't such a bad thing after all. They are pretty creative like I am which is good because i always have extra art stuff and there are so many of them that I know someone will use it. Right now I realized that I have 20 different projects in the works at the moment 7 of them being baby blankets that need finished in the next few months. Guess what I'm working on tonight? lol. It feels weird being home however I will admit... I needed it BAD. Anyways... I think that is enough rambling for you for tonight. I am sorry I am all over the place. The hospital wore me out.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Very Busy Sunday and "CanSo"....

So yesterday I was really unsure of what I was going to do or how things would work out but even though I finally got to sleep Saturday night and woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave for church normally, I forced myself to get up and go. I kinda shocked everyone by being there but it was what I needed. I cant just keep sitting at home, it driving me nuts.
Anyways, After church I met up with my best friends mom aka Mom Gollmer and we ended up going out for lunch and she boosted my spirits A LOT! This is becoming a normal occurrence and thankfully it is helping me to get past what is going on right now and getting me to look forward again. We started talking about Jack again and we wanted him to send a picture but he didn't have any one his phone so I am going to have to take one of him next time I see him (later this week) and send it to mom. lol. After lunch, I went home to an empty house and didn't want to be there by myself so I got in my car and just started driving. Because of things going on in my life, I missed my best friend Rick's birthday on the 2nd so I picked up a brownie and apple pie and heading on out to where he was working... one thing lead to another and I ended up at his house playing with his 7mth old daughter and hanging with his wife and him until almost 7:30. Rick  was also nice enough to change the oil in my car. Mike was going to do it but it would have been way to late for him by the time I got back from Waterford. I hope he isn't offended. Otherwise, after that I came back home and to the reality of things. I talked to my dad for a bit and hopefully will be seeing him by the end of the week. Well Sunday to be exact but I'm not complaining.

The only other thing I can think to mention is that I finally got the frame for my "CanSo" and since I think I need to see it now more than ever, I have placed it right on the back of my headboard so I see it first thing when I wake up. It is such a good reminded to keep going and I am very thankful for it. The necklace is suppose to represent my spirit and I will post the poem for everyone because it is pretty amazing....

"I am your CanSo...
I am a visual representation of your indomitable spirit.
Look Closely...
...I am a body in motion, to signify the carefully orchestrated steps you take as you move through this journey we call life.
I am not running away from the enormous challenges you face, but instead putting my best foot forward and staying one step ahead of them.
I am carrying your heart with me every step of the way. Know that I will never lose heart no matter how dark the days might become.
I am blanketed in white to encourage you to blanket yourself in the light, peace and purity you need to heal... and my iridescence reminds you not to let this challenge take your sparkle from you.
I am small enough to be held in your hand to keep you ever mindful of the fragility of life.
I am all those things, but more importantly I am here so when they say you can't. you will never forget...
....You CanSo!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Amazing Losers Day Out....

So other than a million stresses put on me today by family members (I am writing that because I don't feel good but don't want to get into it at the moment); Today was AMAZING! I really didn't get a whole lot of sleep because everyone kept texting and calling me but after giving up and getting up around 1:30, Brittney and I set off on what turned out to be a pretty fun day. We ended up going to Presque Isle which was just amazing! We weren't brave enough to walk out onto the ice because ummm.... its me and Brit, that is so not safe for us no matter how sturdy they say the ice is. lol. Almost all of the ice was frozen over except over by the monument where the geese were swimming and that made for some awesome pictures with the sun shinning as bright as it was today. We ended up having a snowball fight and climbing over the monument... well I climbed because Brit was afraid she wouldn't be able to get out because she is so short. lol.  
After the Snowball fight and Thoroughly freezing our fingers off, we decided to get lunch and then headed up to Peach Street and David's Bridal so that Brittney could get a 2 year head start looking for wedding dresses. I think it is funny because she seems to calm now and just keeps saying to everyone.."Its still 2 years away..." But I seriously don't think she realized how fast that time is going to pass before her wedding is here. I am the only girl in her wedding and I did get a book to look at for dresses but I told her I was going to wait until she got her dress so that way I knew about what to look for. It is going to be a lot of fun to help her with her wedding because it is a country theme and she is going to be getting married in July in a Barn. lol. Its going to be really cute!
After David's Bridal, we pretty much were calming down for the night and just went over to where Mike(Brit's other half) worked and got the stuff needed to change the oil in the car and new windshield wiper fluid so that he can change everything tomorrow after he gets out of work. Then the car will be up to par so that is exciting. Now I am just left really exhausted and upset about the family but I did get to clear my head and hang with Brittney so it was still an amazing day.
With all that Said.... I am taking my butt to be. Good night world. Keep Smiling!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I Love Jeremy Camp!

During the last few "bad" years, I have really used music to help me express myself and keep myself from falling into a depression. For some reason singing just makes my world stop crashing in around me just like knitting or baking. My music stays pretty simple with Christian and Country music but for awhile it has been stuck between the same 3 bands. Don't get me wrong. I still love, Casting Crowns, Barlow Girls and Meredith Andrews more than ever and still listen to them all the time, but I just needed something new. Last week I asked my brother for music he had and he handed me 31 different cds to load onto my computer and try out, 2 of them being Jeremy Camp cds. I have heard some of his songs on the radio while driving but never actually took the time to listen to them if you know what I mean. Well tonight I finally got to those 2 cds and I am hooked! Definitely good for boosting the spirits not matter which CD it is. The 2 that I have right now are Stay and Restored. Both really good! Just thought you guys might like to know. lol.
Love you all and again Thanks Mike!!!

"You Just Need One Good Year"

Last week I was sitting down talking with my dad and after breaking my finger, he looked as me and stated..."You just need one good year, no broken bones, surgeries and broken hearts count too. Those hurt just as much." Thinking about it.... Since 2005, I don't think I have had a "good year" or even so much as a good month". I know that I cant really help the physical aspects of this but the emotional I can to a certain extent. I have been engaged to 2 different guys, planned almost 5 different weddings and watched men tare my life to shreds because I chose to let them walk all over me. Thinking about it, I was kind of stupid because I believe that your husband should love you for everything you are and both of those guys didn't. They loved me for only specific parts and wouldn't except the rest of me and in the end, always tried to get me away from my family who in the end, is my everything. I cant figure this out for the life of me either, because my family is awesome. lol. It is hard knowing that I am about to turn 24 next week and almost all of my friends are settling down and starting families but I know at the same time that God has great plans for me and I just don't know what they are yet, other than to knit everyones' babies blankets this year. lol. I can tell you that emotionally, this year is going to be a better year though. I am finally over this crappy heart break faze and moving on. I have almost all the wedding stuff and reminders out of my house from the past with the exception of one wedding dress which I am considering auctioning off. It is a pretty dress but to tell you the truth, I have never wanted a formal wedding. Sure I want the white dress but I have always wanted simple and in my parents side yard, not a fancy formal, ballroom setting kind of wedding. So the dress gets to go....again and I am concentrating more on my health and family than anything and i am....Happy! I know it may sound hard to believe but I am. I realized over all the "bad years" that my family will always be there for me, no matter what happens. We have a bond closer than most and I would never trade that in no matter what they ever do. So I guess what I am saying, I don't need one good year as long as I have you guys but we will try and make this year a "happy" year.
sorry if this is kind of rambled. A.D.D. kicking in today for some reason.