Christmas Crocheting....

I am sorry for the massive amount of posting today but this is the actually live post. I know it has been over a month but I was on a massive crocheting and Christmas shopping spree. I know that some of you were waiting to see how the blanket ended up coming out for Kat so here are the following projects that I put together in our time apart...

Katie's Star Blanket

Hannah's poncho

Abigail's Poncho

Katie F.'s hat

Katie F.'s Ruffled Scarf

Sorry again for the lack of posting but as you can see I have been crocheting a lot! lol. I also crocheted another hat that looks like Animal from the Muppet's but I have those photos on my cell phone. Otherwise between work and family functions; I haven't been up to very much.

I have started to prepare myself for the upcoming year and it seems to be a huge year for change and moving forward finally. Zach has really been an inspiration to me in the last year and I am very thankful for him. I have set up a few major goals for the year and I am already on my way with them starting today with going to a new dentist to get my very bad teeth fixed. (Did I ever mention how much I hate dentists? or my teeth for that matter?) Then I am also going to go into the Hospital and talk about going back to full time. I switched to part time last month for a better job opportunity but in the end it is turning out to be worse for me and my health/mental health as well. I guess sometimes our hearts lead our dreams into different paths and my heart is telling me to stay in the hospital. Other than that....Its finish cleaning and organize so that when the big move happens in March we are ready. :0) I will have more about that later. Like I said....BIG CHANGES. lol.

Well I think after all that I had better head to bed so I can be up in time for the...dentist. Ugh. :0( I will try my hardest to keep up better with my blogging from now on.

Love you all and Keep Smiling!

.

JenniBean's Stand Against Childhood Cancers | Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for Childhood Cancer

JenniBean's Stand Against Childhood Cancers Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for Childhood Cancer

I have been a support of Alex's Lemonade Stand since 2007 and It has always been my goal to help raise awareness for this cause. Somewhere in my busy life I have forgotten about the page and goal that I set up and have been brought back to it yet again. I realized that a few years ago I realized I was setting my goals to high so for 2012, I am setting up a goal to raise $250 for Alex's Lemonade Stand. So let raising the awareness begin!

Life

With 33 days left for Christmas and the fact that I just got my cast off my arm....I am in crunch time for Christmas. I would love to say that things are going ok but right when I thought I was ahead this year.... My car breaks down tonight. Thankfully Zach was able to come and pick me up while his brother researched towing numbers. $117 later and a ride back home safe; I am waiting to see what it will take to fix it. Tomorrow I will have to call and see what will go on with work but for the few weeks I have full time left, Katie is allowing me to stay with her. I also think I really need to talk to my doctor about getting upset so easily. It just isnt right. I think the only good this that has happened lately is that Zach and I have started craft nights. So with the last of my crafting money for the year (due to car breakage); I have started making Christmas Headbands and I have completed Round One of Katie's Christmas blanket. Zach helped pick out the colors. Here are a few pictures to show you....

Tomorrow I am going to work more on Katies blanket and See Twilight with Ashely if she is willing to come get me. But first I have to get some sleep so I better had off now. Good Night world.

11-11-11

11-11-11.....Was something suppose to happen? I understand that this is a once in a lifetime thing but to my family it was so much more. Yesterday was a 10 year mile stone of one of the worst nights of our lives. 10 years ago yesterday our house caught fire and most of the 2nd floor almost claiming the life of our cat who was saved due to much effort of a special fire fighter. My family got together last night to celebrate my moms birthday and to recognize just how far we have come and how truely bless we have been in those 10 years and although I missed the memory pumpkin pie.....I know that I still think about the event and will always be greatful to those that showed up that night. Without them; most of our memories before that would be lost as well as our dear Sammie. So after 10 years of hard memories....Thanks again for everything you did for us Fire Fighters!

Vacation at Home.

For those who knew I was counting down to my vacation last week; lets just say it didn't go according to plan. Zach and I never made it to VA or FL but we did manage to have a lot of fun here at home between the Doctors appts and Hospital visits. And although I know most would rather I type what we did...everything other than staying home and relaxing and hospitals was caught in pictures worth sharing so that's how I'm going to show you what we did. Enjoy....



Thing 1 & 2 return for a 2nd year in time to pass out candy

Katie and Alex

Kassie and Jessica were Titanic Survivors for Halloween

Masks and Thank You's.....

Masks and thank yous......2 very different topics however in the last week those seem to be what I'm getting a lot of. I have been spending weeks doing a wide range of things to help others and I am feeling burnt out. Even with work lately; all I want to do is cry and give up but then within 48 hours... I received 3 thank you cards. Sure it might not mean much to others but to me it meant the world. Like I was finally being recognized. As for the masks...Even with the thank yous, people are very nasty lately and I have found myself hiding other than around my family and Zach. Even those closest outside my family have had me on edge so I'm just hanging low. With Halloween right around the corner, Zach surprised me with this when I picked him up to go play cards the other day....

I absolutely love it! And there are plans behind it but you will just have to wait and see what they are.... With that I am going to head off to bed.
Keep Smiling!

Time Flies....

I would love to say that Time Flies when your having fun but, I really have been having fun. Time has just been flying by without me noticing. It seems to be bringing a bit of bad luck my way as well and I need to get back on track so that I don't get any further into this pit I seem to be landing in. With this said and Christmas aapproaching; I need to get back to my using the items in my house list. I have really been getting off track with that. I have been asked to make a lot of items for people but really Its just not worth it anymore because many have been ungrateful after such items are complete. Not so much ungrateful of the item but as me as a whole person. You might ask..."What does this have to do with anything?" Well....It has a lot to do with it because at some point I allowed myself to fall into a crack where I stopped being myself and I allowed everyone to walk all over me and it has to come to a stop because now I'm broken, tired, angry and just not myself. Even worse, I am in no way anywhere closer to my goal of gaining space in my house because with every project I have completed for people; I have gained more small balls of yarn, or spools of ribbon and I just need to start making room and getting rid of what I don't need so I can move in the spring.
Yes my move date has moved to Spring. 1. I want all my past bills paid off because I want a complete fresh start and I deserve it. and 2. I want one last Christmas with my grandpa and sister before my life completely starts on its own. They might not always feel the same about me but I really do Cherish them. And now that I'm done rambling I can move on with recent news.... Lets see...In The last month.......Well I broke my Arm, Crocheted a baby blanket and hat set for 2 people forgetting to take pictures and put them on here. I made a lot of finger puppets and head bands and oh yeah... the most recent thing I have made was a request from a nurse I work with and love. A Sock Monkey hat. lol. So here is a pick since I haven't updating in forever. Things are slow in the crochet world since I only have one hand now. Sadly that's when life hits so please pray for me. :0( OK here's the Picture...

Another project finished....

This wont be a very long post because it is 3am my time and well I need to get to bed but below is a shawl that I made for one of my ladies at work and I'm actually kind of surprised at how it turned out. I think I could have made it a little longer but I didn't know until after the border was on. Still I love it just the same and I hope she will too.

Projects for others...

I know I have been quiet for a little bit but I have been crocheting A LOT. lol. I dont know if I posted a picture of my duck yet but I do know that all the elderly ladies where I work love him. Ok Zach and I love him too. He is very fun to pull out in places like DQ and see what kind of reaction he gets. lol. For the record Zach also named him Victor. lol. Victor is actually really popular but Victor was essentially created for my friend Jim (The Puppet Man); however since Victor has become public; I have recieved 6 new orders for ducks just like him. lol. So those were also added to my "to do list".

Another project that was on my "to do" list was a blanket that my friend Katie asked me to make from a new grand daughter that she was just blessed with 2 weeks ago. This blanket turned out so much prettier than expected but I know she loved it just as much as I did. I even ended up making a tiny little hat to match with some extra yarn.  I used the same star design as the pumpkin blanket but I still love this blanket more and am thinking about making a second one for my cousin who just found out he and his girl friend are having a girl in January.  

As for whats on my hook right now....I am working on a special shawl for a lady I take care of at work. I also made some headbands and pins for them last week. So as you can see I have been working a lot of arts and crafts around work lately. I havent really been baking since the pies and really I am just staying to myself since people have been upsetting my so much lately. So I just keep working and keep to myself until Zach and I get to go on vacation and then....Moving time. YAY. Now I just have to figure out where it is that I really want to go. Here or Toledo.....Trying to find where a person really belongs is such a hard choice....

Lucky to Live in Pa

After a very stressful day yesterday, today was a day to relax. Thankfully I had the day off and other than sleeping until 1pm; Zach took what was a terribly broken heart and somehow pieced it back together again. First we went for Ice cream and then we went off to the beach. For most people who know me, you might be thinking..."why is this so special"...well; I have actually only been to the beach once this year so far and that is a record and I mean RECORD low for me. I'm normally at the beach all year round but not this year. Anyways...we went to the beach and just stood with out feet in the water and toes in the sand and talked. It was like having a spa treatment in my own backyard. It was so beautiful and after the first few seconds the water was actually warm. As we started walking, I found a really pink looking sea shell and that lead on the a search for shells and beach glass which I have also not done in awhile. It turned out to be an amazing and stress relieving night. After the sun went down.....We really just hung out in the yard until it was time to go get dry clothes on. lol. But we plan on spending as many days as we can this way before the weather gets cold. :0)  Here's a fun picture to add to the Jenni and Zach photos and until next time...Keep Smiling!

Pies and Prayers...

Well this was my weekend off and although I originally planned to travel to Toledo this weekend; that didn't workout. Instead, I spent early yesterday afternoon at work help with the family picnic which was actually really awesome. I love seeing everyone with their families and a lot of the people that don't normally eat end up eating because everyone loves picnic foods, So although I only worked 3 hours; it was well worth it. After working I finally got my laundry done and some of my room cleaned to the point where I can walk in it again. By Wednesday I should have the rest of my clothes hung up and then Zach and I are going to rearrange the furniture so that I can plug into my Internet without having to sit on the floor. The wireless has really been sucky lately which is partially why I haven't been posting as much.
As for the rest of the weekend....I made it to Waterford last night to play some cards with Grandma and Grandpa Ellis and picked up some Elderberries which Zach and I used to make pies tonight. I still have yet to taste an elderberry but I am looking forward to tasting them tomorrow when we eat the pie. We would have tasted it tonight but we celebrated my brother's birthday with an ice cream cake and then Zach and I ate pizza for dinner. I was too full and everyone else was in bed when the pies finished so tomorrow it is.
That basically wrapped up my weekend but in the mean time; while I was enjoying my day and a half off; 2 of my friends worlds have been crashed pretty hard. One of them lost her fiance due to cancer yesterday and the other is a brand new grandma but her daughter in law hasn't stopped bleeding yet even after emergency surgery last night so I am asking prayers for both families. I am not sure where either of them stand faith wise but I know that every prayer counts.

Pumpkins and Stars....

After a friend of mine asked me to create a pumpkin hat for her to use for fall pictures; I decided to get creative with the remaining yarn and put together a star blanket to match. I am not really sure that it gives of the "pumpkin" feel but I do think that the shape is a pretty cool touch with the neat little hat. After working on the star blanket I realized that it is a pattern that I would most likely like to create again so Im thinking some new blankets will be made in the near future. But first.... I have to finish my other projects and finish using what I have before getting anymore. I have really gotten off path with this and with my spending again so I need to focus more and really get some of this stuff used. First things First though....Im off to the post office to mail these blankets and hats off to Kim.

Keep Smiling!

Love and Yarn....

I feel like I'm apologizing a lot for not posting but all in all I just never really able to sit still long enough to write. This past week and a half has really been a slow down in my life with not having the ability to use my right arm on top of everything else going on in my life. I never really realized just how important my hand was. Everything in my life was stressful down to sleeping patterns until I realized that I could do stuff if I just worked slow and really pushed myself. Up until now I have been working on a blanket using "fall" colors. I was literally on the last 2 rows when I lost feeling in my right arm. Discouraged that I would mess it up; I have gone until today without crocheting and tonight I am happy to say that both blanket and baby hat are completed and it used almost 3 scanes of the yarn I had in my room. I have some tiny little balls of each color left, but I am using it for flowers and headbands.

So with this blanket complete, and still slowly recovering, I am going to be working on the pumpkin set for Kim. I am actually really eager to work on this project. I know it is going to take much effort but it will be well worth it I feel and for some reason I feel stronger with every stitch. Lately I haven't felt as if I have been fitting in anywhere or that I was really needed at all and thanks to Zach and other sad events of tonight; I have realized that my projects make who I am. It doesn't matter that I don't fit with my family it matters that I fit with the people I love and around me. The people who I care enough to use my artistic abilities for.

As for the love and sad part of this post......Earlier this week, I was able to finally chat with one of the newer nurses who work at the hospital that I work with and He actually complimented me on what I fear is my biggest problem. I care too much. lol. When I am able to work with the residents at MCM; no matter where they come from; I take the time to get to know each and every one of them. The residents and patients are the people that I normally spend all my time with and therefore I take the time as if I would with my closest friends. As for those people that bring out my artistic abilities....lets just say the Elderly of Millcreek Manor have a lot of my work. lol. Between headbands and slippers, they keep me busy but in the mean time I am trying my best to make them feel as much at home as I possibly can. Now too most people this doesn't sound like a bad thing but for those of us who work with the dieing and deceased; its terrible. The one thing they always tell people in any medical profession is don't get attached, but we are talking about spending more time with these people than I do with my own family. How can you not get attached? And that is just it, tonight another one of the many amazing people I have taken care of and loved spending time with is getting ready to pass away and I just want to sit here in silence and cry not only for her but for her family. I love all of these people as my own grandparents and they have all touched my life in a way no one will ever begin to express. I am a better person for knowing all of them and their families. I just want everyone to know that.

So now that I am in tears again, I think I am going to lay back down and just rest. After all, Its like Grandma E. told me today..."you heal better when you sleep...". I'm just hoping that tomorrow  brings smiles instead of tears.

Praying for a lot of special people tonight.

Busy Busy Busy

So I am pretty sure that I have been living at the hospital lately and no in the literal way but it really is starting to feel that way. lol. I finally got to break free from all the hospitals on Monday and was able to see Jim, Shannon and the girls before they headed back to Toledo yesterday. It may sound sad but we pretty much just hung out at walmart and the Subway attached to it. lol. It was a pretty amazing lunch though! For those who can see the resemblance... yes this is the Puppet family. lol. So naturally the visit consisted of talking of puppets and resulted in a bumper sticker for my car. lol. It is actually really cute and has both Eli and his Wife Sophie on it. I haven't had a chance to get it on my car yet with the heat wave but as soon as I get the chance I plan on putting it on my trunk to support the Herdsman Puppets. With this said....It is leading me to my next exciting bit of news and these 2 boxes in my room. 

These 2 boxes have great meaning as of right now. The brown box on the Right is a box that I plan on filling with crafts for the Herdsman Puppet group to sell at the Autumn fest this September. I have been wanting to find a way to help them out and this is one of the ways I am able to do it. The red smile box is the JenniBean Designs box which holds a binder where I have all my ideas and layouts for the crafts I am putting together as well as the items that I am putting on the JenniBean Designs Store. Yes that is right I have finally opened the online shop that I keep talking about. Today I have finally opened my very own Etsy shop and I also have a more formal page in the works but that is going to take a little more time. Either way, I have also decided 25% of each current craft sold in the store between now and the end of Sept will go to Herdsmen Puppets. Every little bit will count.

And now for the first item in the boxes......

Meet Lydia the Lady Bug. She is 3 1/2 inches tall and 6 inches long. She is the perfect little addition to a car seat or a home with small children. The first original Ladybug was created as a gift for my 4month of niece and since then, more have been created for some of the ladies at the home I work at. Lydia has been a great addition to many of the rooms to add a smile to those passing by. I currently only have 2 left in the store and 2 have been added to the Puppet Box but more will be made shortly in the future. This is such a big deal for me because this store is a huge step for me and she is a great way to start. I'm hoping that Lydia will bring me great luck.

Other than all that...lol. I really don't have much to say. I am going to be really cracking down on the "using what I have in my house before buying new" with craft items and trying to get some of my debt paid down at the same time. I am making very good progress with the debt but not so well with the not buying new craft stuff. lol. I think that right now I will be starting with yarn on getting rid of what I have. lol. But first I have to make a special project for my friend Kim. I also have to crack down and sew a dress before Saturday and make cupcakes before Sunday.... sounds like I need to be sleeping doesn't it.

Ok I'm off to bed now. Goodnight and Keep Smiling!

Im still Alive....

I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know that yes I am still hanging on and although life has given me a few lemons....I am still making a slow pitcher of lemonade. Actually lately has been a lot of sleep at nights so where I thought I would be crafting; I realized that God had other plans for my body. Tonight however I am wide awake and decided to watch a few movies (The First Kid and Listen To Your Heart) and work on this little guy. I am currently making 4 more small friends just like him but they are work in progresses. I guess they are just one more step in getting more into my shop. 

Speaking of shop....I have been putting a lot of thought into how I want to go about doing things. I know that I want to help a few people out with my crafts but I am realizing that I need to be realistic about this all and get things into my store around my every day life and not really make THIS my everyday life otherwise I am going to get worn out way more than I already am. So with that I have opened both a JenniBean Website which will remain under construction for right now as well as an Etsy shop. That way people can custom order items in the colors that they would like on my website and then those items that I just generally make in my spare time can go in the store. I have also been trying to get some items to Shannon with Herdsman Puppets so they can use some items to raise money for their ministry but that is also a slow moving process with how tired I have been feeling lately. I did however get some hair items and pins out to her this week. I am hoping to have both sites posted here within the week but I am working on it as my body is allowing and with possibly breaking my foot tonight, I am guessing that only tomorrow can tell as to where I will be by the end of this week. Thankfully Zach is very supportive and has been helping me in these endeavors. Well more like moral support while he crafts with more manly items like leather and metal. lol. Whatever makes him happy. lol. Either way he is a huge help with adding to ideas that I have and adjusting what I come up with to maybe make things a little easier. This year has definitely been interesting with different peoples' output on things. 

Anyways...I think that is where I am standing with everything at this moment. So I am thinking that since it is now 4:11 am my time... I should probably try and get some sleep. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. 

Keep Smiling! 

Ladybugs....

Well I have already semi messed up the 100 days of pj crafting because this week has taken a harder toll on me than I planned. I really haven't been feeling up to anything but I did manage to finish these the other day, so I am posting them now. I have been crocheting with the red black and small ball of white yarn that I have here and this is what was created....

I tried my best to capture it on my phone but like I said. My phone camera is so touchy. I will try and get some better pictures later but what was created was a hand sized lady bug stuffed animal and adult ladybug slippers. I am in the process of making some more lady bug creatures and a few other items but with being really under the weather it is taking me a little longer than planned.
With that I am off to lay down for a bit but I would like to take this time to wish everyone a safe and Happy 4th of July weekend!  Praying for safe travels to all!
Keep Smiling.

100 days of PJ crafting....

I'm sorry for being so quiet since my last post but lately my health has been catching up to me and frankly kicking my butt. Now I'm being forced into an Early summer retirement to say the least. lol. So I have decided that since I am going to be unable to do everything that I want to do I am going to spend the next few months doing small crafts from my bed and actually taking the time to read my bible like I planned. I also have a few major things planned but they are between Zach and I and will be revealed in later time. I am going to try and keep up with posting but I am not sure how well pictures will come out considering the pictures on my phone don't come out as good as my camera; but I shall do my best. I have already started thinking of the things I shall create this summer and now I'm off to watch a movie and write my ideas down. Missing some great people and sending some much needed prayers for some friends.
Keep Smiling!

Work Work Work

Sorry for the lack if posting everyone. I have been pulling a lot of overtime at work so there really hasnt been any time for play or crafting. Kinda of depressing actually but with tomorrow off maybe I will get some stuff put together and out of my room. :0) Anyways... here is a picture of the other thing I was crocheting. I have to put the pillows together the rest of the way but this is what they look like.

Deep In Thought...

Since I have gotten home from vacation I have really been deep in thought about where my life is going and what I am doing with it. I have been feeling lost again lately only to realize that I have yet again put someone before my faith and my relationship with God and that really isn't acceptable. I have had a lot of hardship it seems in my life and I am in no place right now to Put anyone before God in my life and so I am fixing this wrong. I have a few ideas about where my life is headed and although it is going to be a long road to get there I have decided that maybe dating might be out of the question at the moment. I think that my health needs to be first right now.
If you haven't noticed, I have removed my Bucket list from the side of my blog because I am revamping it as we speak. I am hoping to have more on that later as I have decided that some things on that list are of no importance to me so I am replacing them with some that are. I also have a few major projects in store that I will be able to do while getting my health back on track this year. There is a lot to look forward too.
Speaking of projects; One of my goals was to get rid of the supplies I already have in my house and yesterday I was able to take some beads and 10 gage yarn and crochet what is suppose to be a choker. It ended up being too big for anyones' neck so I have a few other uses for it but here is what it looks like. I plan on modifying the pattern to get the choker to work but we will see later how that works out. What do you think?

I am working on another crocheting project but that wont be finished until later. Right now I am off to finish washing my clothes and making my bed. Also maybe heading to the dollar movie to see Soul Surfer again. Very good movie.

Back Home and Back To Work...

Well our vacation is over and things went great. It was a lot of fun and the few problems we did have we know what to do to solve them next year when we go down. What we do know is that Alex and Katie can make any trip more awesome x 100. lol.

Zach and I finished our costumes for the convention which was from the movie Coraline. There were a few people who got it but since we really didn't know to much about anima; we just dressed up like people from one of our favorite movies. We were going to do the Nightmare before Christmas but we didn't have enough time to sew everything with both of us working and zachs lack of sewing anything but leather abilities. lol. We did however find a very convincing Jack while we were there.

There was also a formal event Saturday night that Katie, Alex, Zach and I went to; So yes folks...I finished my dress. :0)  What do you think? Not to bad for being the first formal...no the first dress in general that I have made. Although I think I could have taken it in a little more to make it not look so big and I don't think that I would have added the black panel to the bottom but it still looked nice. We really didn't stay too long at the formal because Katie didn't feel good but it was still fun and we got some professional pictures taken while we were there.  

After a weekend in the water park pretty much, Sunday came to fast. Sunday Zach and I ventured our way out to the petting Zoo that was attached to the hotel and were able to feed the parakeets and get really close to the Giraffe that was there. We were going to go back to the water park but instead decided to venture out the rest of the way to Toledo to visit the one and only Puppet Family. The Herdsmen Puppet Group was set up at a local community festival in Toledo so Zach and I were able to experience the festivities with them. After that it was home for dinner and visiting. We also highlighted Shannon's hair. lol. Then monday; the Ellis family and of course Eli...took Zach and I to the Toledo Zoo. It was hot but worth it. Their zoo is about 4 Erie zoos put together and of course Eli made a great impression. It wasn't too long after we left the zoo that I had some teaching of my own to do and sat down and taught Shannon how to make Jim and Eli's favorite cookies. THIN MINTS. lol. We had some trial and error moments with that as well but in the end it all worked out.

Parting was such sweet sorrow around 11pm so that Zach and I could make the drive back to Erie and get up for reality again yesterday with us both returning to work. Although I had a fun vacation I was eager to return to work and show my residents all the pictures from this weekend and they were happy I was home. I am hoping to return to Toledo again in a few weeks but until then...its work, laundry and cleaning. This vacation prep work turned my room into a huge mess!

With that I am off to clean a little more before work. Keep Smiling!

5 days and counting...

So its crunch time in our house with everyone trying to get their last minute stuff done before next week; and yet I found time this morning to get up and week the garden and add some new life to it. It still looks a little sad because the flowers need some time to take root but it looks a lot better than it did at 8am this morning. lol. Later this afternoon I am going to go up to the Christmas tree store and look into some garden gnomes or other decorations. Bring even more life to this place since our puppy has seen better days. I was thinking of taking the shovel out but as I live in one of the few towns where it can be 70 today and snow tomorrow....it is going to stay for a few more weeks. lol.
Otherwise this weekends goals are too...1. paint the silver stars on the blue shirt, 2. cut out and sew the red dress. 3. Sew the maroon messenger bag, 4. Sew the John deer blanket, 5. finished packing for the trip, 6. clean my room and bathroom. and lastly 7. highlight my hair. Should be a fun and exciting weekend. At least the garden is already off my list and it is only noon here in our town. I think maybe I should head off and start getting dressed for the day so Zach and I can start with our garden gnomes and lunch. lol.
Keep Smiling!

Broken Hearts....

"In your anger do not sin; When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." Psalm 4:4

Lately I feel I have been falling off my path. I know I have mentioned this before because I have felt this way for awhile. But apparently now it is a full fledge feeling and I need to start dealing with it. Surprisingly I was able to talk to someone that I used to work with at the Village the other day and something she said made me realize that I have given up on life because I stopped trusting God with everything. I was doing so good and so happy because I was relaying on Him and I somehow got away from this path. I have been so angry with everything going on in my life that I have been trying to figure out what I did wrong. My family doesnt get me and the other half that does get me I feel like I am letting down. I realized that I am completely alone. Even the guy I am dating would rather spend time with his ex then me on my weekend off although when it comes to the trip we are taking I am the one who is suppose to do all the work...yet again? Why do I always choose men before my own happiness...why do I always choose men who steer me away from God and my path. I started picking my bible up again and reading through Psalms when I came across the verse above. So now I am thinking.... I am really listening to myself and again I have decided to be single. I am still listening to my heart aparently because I am about to cry again and still dont know what I am doing. I think I need to figure out and listen to who I am and what I love and then go from there.

Day 1 of Craft weekend...

Although today is technically day 2 of this craft weekend adventure; I just woke up after staying up past 2 making different types of headbands. lol. I was trying to find some many uses for ribbon that I have (an entire box full) and so last night I broke out the hot glue, the tiny eyes and pom poms and made butterflies to go with some of the headbands that didn't have flowers to match. Here is what I came up with.....

Spare Yarn Project

I keep forgetting to post some of the items that I have made so far out of my spare yarn. The goal is to find a use for all the craft supplies I have in my room so far and so using some of my spare yarn I also made a head band and hat to add to the messenger bag that I made for Amanda. Thankfully for me...my sister had a lot of wig heads laying around so I can model them for you. I hope you like them.

26 days and counting...

4 days later and that helmet looking thing from the previous post now looks like this. Sorry this picture is a little fuzzy but I took it on my cell phone. It is still not finished but I think that at this rate you can see what character we are starting to form....Can you tell? Now Zach and I are trying to figure out ways to make the head more round and get the face to stand out a little better as well as add some teeth and then it is onto sewing all the clothes together; which I really need to get a move on.
I did take some craft time off to put together a messenger bag for Amanda for her birthday. I crocheted the entire thing but I didn't get the change to take a picture before I gave it to her so I'm sorry for the disappointment there. She loved it though and that is all that counts.
Other than that I really don't have a lot of post. I have been working the last few days and it has been a killer on me both physically and emotionally. I need to start finding some way to release the stress via swimming or running again. I'm getting way to stressed at this job. Blah.
Anyways....I guess I am off to craft a little bit and then head into work again for another fun fill night.
Keep Smiling!

30 days and counting...

I really need to get my butt in gear. There is only 30 days until our trip and I have to finish making a head, a suit and a dress.... not to mention find hair. I don't know why I really haven't been in the mood to work on this but I really need to get my butt moving now. Thankfully I have off tomorrow and I have to finish Amanda's birthday present but that is my "night time project" since I don't have to use my machine for anything. I will show everyone that later as well. Anyways...Zach and I have started the head but this is all the further we have so far....

More will come tomorrow and I will work on cutting patterns while Zach is at work....Cant wait to get this done! Ok off to work for now....

Who I am.....

The question of who I am keeps coming up a lot around here lately. For some reason I feel like I am completely lost right now and I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I stopped relaying on God like I used to. I am not sure why or what happened that I chose to get off my path but I need to find my way back. I did make it to church Sunday with the Ellis's and I was so glad that I gave up my sleep time to do so. Not because it was one of those "Ah" sermons but because at the breakfast that the church held after I finally realized that I may not be ready to leave MCH. My residents are my pride and joy as strange as that sounds. They are a huge chunk of my life. The Ellis's are also another huge chunk of that life. Why I have ran from them too I am not sure. I think my opinions have gotten to much in my way to really enjoy things so I have decided that today the rest of my life needs to begin. I am going to get going back to church and start setting up a better life style for myself Starting today. Although I didn't get to clean my room the way I wanted today, I did get on the phone with some of the people that I needed to in order to start getting this debt taken care of. Paid 2 of my bills and ordered the oil dipstick for my car. Tomorrow I will clean my room and call the rest of the people I need too. I need to get control of my life so that I can better this world.....

In other news....yesterday I was finally able to get a girls day out with Shannon. She came over to Easter and Gram watched the girls so we could go see a movie. We also went to Chinese and I took Shannon to the Christmas Tree Store in our area. We went and saw Soul Surfer which was an amazing movie. It has a very religious turn on it which wasn't really what I thought it would be but I loved every minute of the movie even if it made both of us cry at least 6 times. I would recommend it to anyone who loves an inspirational movie. It also had a very good lesson in there for kids. Like I said....very amazing!
We also picked Madyson up and brought her to Grams house to watch movies with the girls and make smoothies. I think there might be some new pen pals in the making. lol. I also had fun when returning Madyson because Ashely and her friends were baking cakes and I got to hold Haily the time I was there. She is so cute and it was really nice to be able to spend some time with actual family members. I am starting to get a better understanding of where I need to go in life here....
Well I think that is all I can post until later. Time to get ready for work. I know I have a bunch of ladies waiting for my return. lol.
Keep Smiling!

I've Had It!

Ok I have no clue what I did to always be either forgotten or blamed in my family but I am sick of it!!!! There is nothing I can do to ever make them happy. I try and fit in...only the get slapped in the face and pointed at that I don't fit with them so then I try to just stay out of it only for them to accuse me of stuff when I physically don't have time to be doing what they accuse me of doing. For instance....my sister telling everyone today that I took a movie out of her room. At what point to I have time to 1. go through that thing she calls a room and dig through her movies. 2. what time do I even have to watch a movie when I am working until 2am and sleeping until 11 only to literally stay in my room until the time I leave at 2pm and then going to work again. I work at a hospital so where does she think I will be watching this movie at while putting 52 people in and out of bed at night?! I am so fed up with this! Why cant she just except that she owns too much crap and needs to get rid of at least half of it so she will actually know where her crap is at all times. GRRRR! Sorry for that rant but it really makes me mad because I didn't nor would I even care about borrowing a movie. Especially since movies are the one thing in my house where if I want it I go buy it the day it comes out. If I wanted to watch it... I would buy it and that wouldn't be until my day off where you know... I actually have time to watch stuff. Its time to get my crap together and the out of this house!

Choices

 Meet My dad. I know its not the best picture of him....but Tuesday when my step mom Carrie, messaged me stating he was being taken to the hospital for stroke like symptoms....my entire world felt as if it might fall apart. I should probably let you all know that I really have only gotten to know my dad in the last 4 years but those 4 years have lead to also getting close to my younger siblings and its time that I wouldnt change for anything. My parents got divorced when i was really young and my mother remarried and so on and so fourth but Thanks to my mom and my step dad; my father wasnt really given the chance to come around like he should. And between that and the Army, It wasnt until I was 21 that I recieved a letter  from him while he was deployed in Iraq, asking my sisters and brother and I to give him a chance, that we were ever really given the option. At this point I am still the only one out of the older kids that will take the time to see him and the younger half of his children but I guess I never really realized untl Tuesday how much that Decision meant to me until I heard there was something wrong with him. It wasnt an easy feeling but in my heart God let me know that I had made the right choice in my life by letting my dad in. Now 5 days later and Im still not sure where life will lead any of us from here but I know that it is a choice I am glad to make and I am thankful they are all in my life. You never know when God will decide to take someone home. Its the now that matters, so I hope others are taking the time to spend with their loved ones as well.
Speaking of loved ones.... I am going to also say that I am sorry to all who I have broken plans with this week due to the above events. I do know that I really learned who my friends where as well. It is amazing how you only hear from people when they want somethingand then when they know you need them even for just emotional support...they are no where to be found. I know who is there for me when I need them and I thank all of you who have been here for me and continue to be. I know that it meant a lot to me, that tonight after having a physical and mental breakdown and taking a much needed nap, Zach was not at all upset that I havent been ableto be much of anything this week. He did however get me to cheer up and get me to go get a much needed milkshake which broke the headache that I had. YAY. We also recieved complimentary cookies because the server took to long. She was still so nice although I think maybe she needed a vacation too. Thanks again for all who were here and praying for us.

I think I am off to sleep again. I really need it. Keep smiling and praying!

Amazing Night but Busy Mind.....

Tonight Zach took me to see the Transiberrian Orchestra while they were here in Erie. It was a pretty amazing night. We actually dressed up, went to a nice seafood dinner and to top it off he even brought me daffodils. I'm not a really specific flower girl. If I had to pick a favorite flower I would say yellow roses but really I love anything Yellow because it reminds me of sunshine. :0) So it just added to the perfect night.
Tomorrow its back to regular life and that in general, other than the nights with Zach; I seem to be lost a lot lately. I know that a lot of things have happened in my life but really I am just so miserable. I feel like I have no purpose or really at the moment I feel like all my friends are gone too. The ones that were closest to me only were there for specific reasons and when I am not shelling out car rides or money then really what do I have??? Not much really. I have been throwing myself into my crafts outside of work and I think that is going really good because I fit in with my residents so well because of my crafts. I did make a bunch of headbands which are now going around not only the staff but the residents at Millcreek. I know that I do love it there when it comes to the residents but....The staff is starting to drive me crazy. I guess that is my fault for bringing people into work that I know outside of work. Ugh. Oh well I guess I cant change it now. I am also starting to wonder where I am going with my faith as well. I feel like I am hiding in the closet or something. I need to really find a new church that has some kind of bible study or something. I am getting no where. It doesn't help that I work and sleep odd hours but I will talk to the doctor about that on Friday as well.
Well I don't really know what else to say so I guess I am going to head off to bed and maybe just think about things a little more.

Who Am I?

Lately I feel really lost. OK maybe completely lost. I remember growing up and although I would get frustrated at times I don't think that I have ever felt this angry at the people I call my friends or even my family. I will admit that a lot of those people have done things to warrant these feelings but why cant I just let it go like I used too? When did my pain become so bottled up that I began NOT dealing with people anymore. I know that I am done getting used and letting people take advantage of me. It really bothers me that I have friends who only care about me when it benefits them and then when I really need them....The are gone. How long do people really expect to give a person their all with no love in return before they finally break down? That is what I am doing. I am breaking down. Even with my family. I have except that I don't fit in but why is it that they don't care about how I feel? They always seem to just brush me under the carpet. Even to this day....Its all about "How they feel" and they never care about how I really feel. Only Its ok for them to express their feelings and not me and I am no longer ok with that. I feel like If I continue down the road with these people I am missing something greater because I know that after 25 years of NOT caring; they are still trying to hide my entire existence. OR so I feel. I cant move forward with my life because they only live in the past and therefore I feel I am as well. I really need to move forward. With or Without them. I hate to say thing but I honestly feel that leaving these people behind for all intense purposes is what I am being called to do. The problem is.... How do I find the courage to forgive them for everything they have done to me so that I am not leaving on Angry terms. Because right now I just want to cry all the time and not to talk anyone........Anyone have any suggestions?

Good Weekend. :0)

I kept meaning to post this weekend but when if came down to having time I was too worn out. Sadly I didn't get Sara's surprise finished by Saturday but I did manage to go to the shower and give her a few other gifts. I am almost complete with her surprise and therefore I told her I would be stopping by on my day off Wednesday night. Before the shower though; I went to see Red Riding Hood with Kassie and then to lunch. IT was an AMAZING movie! It had you guessing the entire time who the wolf might be and in the end...its left us both in shock. IT also had some pretty amazing outfits. I would definitely have to add it to the amazing movies of 2011 list.
Then after the shower I met up with Tom, Shell and Thomas to celebrate Thomas's half birthday. Sounds kinda silly but really it was just the reason we felt the need to take him out. He has been so good lately. Otherwise after that; I just went to visit my Dad and Step Mom and the kids. It was kinda late so the kids weren't up long after I got there but I had a blast talking with Carrie, Dad and Cindy.
Now yesterday was kind of crazy. Nothing that was planned actually happened other than seeing Zach. lol. First we were going to go to Grandma Ellis's but Zach and i were both feeling blah and both got caught up in our crafting in our separate homes. Then we were suppose to go to my Dad's again but being as it was as late as it was and we were both feeling really blahhh....we ended up eating pizza hut and going to see Just Go With It Instead. It was also an amazing movie! It was flat out hilarious so it is also getting added to my favorite movies of 2011 list. Otherwise...last night I worked on Sara's surprise most of the day and a little last night but I was so tired that I was in bed by 1am. Very abnormal for me.

Oh wait... I forgot what I was so excited to post about in the first place. Yesterday Kassie and I did take about 15 minutes to drive to the beach and take some photos of her in a costume. We would have lasted longer had it been warmer and she was expected at a friends house shortly after we started but we still had fun in the 18 shots that I took. Here are a few of my favorites and until next time...Keep Smiling.