Saturday, March 26, 2011

Who Am I?

Lately I feel really lost. OK maybe completely lost. I remember growing up and although I would get frustrated at times I don't think that I have ever felt this angry at the people I call my friends or even my family. I will admit that a lot of those people have done things to warrant these feelings but why cant I just let it go like I used too? When did my pain become so bottled up that I began NOT dealing with people anymore. I know that I am done getting used and letting people take advantage of me. It really bothers me that I have friends who only care about me when it benefits them and then when I really need them....The are gone. How long do people really expect to give a person their all with no love in return before they finally break down? That is what I am doing. I am breaking down. Even with my family. I have except that I don't fit in but why is it that they don't care about how I feel? They always seem to just brush me under the carpet. Even to this day....Its all about "How they feel" and they never care about how I really feel. Only Its ok for them to express their feelings and not me and I am no longer ok with that. I feel like If I continue down the road with these people I am missing something greater because I know that after 25 years of NOT caring; they are still trying to hide my entire existence. OR so I feel. I cant move forward with my life because they only live in the past and therefore I feel I am as well. I really need to move forward. With or Without them. I hate to say thing but I honestly feel that leaving these people behind for all intense purposes is what I am being called to do. The problem is.... How do I find the courage to forgive them for everything they have done to me so that I am not leaving on Angry terms. Because right now I just want to cry all the time and not to talk anyone........Anyone have any suggestions?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Good Weekend. :0)

I kept meaning to post this weekend but when if came down to having time I was too worn out. Sadly I didn't get Sara's surprise finished by Saturday but I did manage to go to the shower and give her a few other gifts. I am almost complete with her surprise and therefore I told her I would be stopping by on my day off Wednesday night. Before the shower though; I went to see Red Riding Hood with Kassie and then to lunch. IT was an AMAZING movie! It had you guessing the entire time who the wolf might be and in the end...its left us both in shock. IT also had some pretty amazing outfits. I would definitely have to add it to the amazing movies of 2011 list.
Then after the shower I met up with Tom, Shell and Thomas to celebrate Thomas's half birthday. Sounds kinda silly but really it was just the reason we felt the need to take him out. He has been so good lately. Otherwise after that; I just went to visit my Dad and Step Mom and the kids. It was kinda late so the kids weren't up long after I got there but I had a blast talking with Carrie, Dad and Cindy.
Now yesterday was kind of crazy. Nothing that was planned actually happened other than seeing Zach. lol. First we were going to go to Grandma Ellis's but Zach and i were both feeling blah and both got caught up in our crafting in our separate homes. Then we were suppose to go to my Dad's again but being as it was as late as it was and we were both feeling really blahhh....we ended up eating pizza hut and going to see Just Go With It Instead. It was also an amazing movie! It was flat out hilarious so it is also getting added to my favorite movies of 2011 list. Otherwise...last night I worked on Sara's surprise most of the day and a little last night but I was so tired that I was in bed by 1am. Very abnormal for me.
Oh wait... I forgot what I was so excited to post about in the first place. Yesterday Kassie and I did take about 15 minutes to drive to the beach and take some photos of her in a costume. We would have lasted longer had it been warmer and she was expected at a friends house shortly after we started but we still had fun in the 18 shots that I took. Here are a few of my favorites and until next time...Keep Smiling.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me!

That's right folks. Yesterday at 7:21pm, I officially turned 25. I know that it really isn't a big deal but to me it was for some reason and yes it was everything I thought it would be. lol. I'm not really sure what all I expected but I know that from midnight- 11:59pm it was an amazing day. (Maybe a little before midnight too.) My friends and coworkers made it an amazing day. I have to even admit that the residents helped make it amazing as well. How many people can say they celebrated their birthday with a 99 year old lady with enough guts to act 25 years old herself. lol. Amanda definitely may have spent too much on me with balloons, cake, ice cream and oh... did I mention the 3 hours spent at Eat N' Park the night before laughing until our (Katie, Amanda and I) ribs hurt so bad we couldn't breathe? She even took the time to take a knife and engrave my shamrock cookie. lol. Katie also found an orange crayon on the floor and drew on a straw wrapper in which I do still have with me. lol.
Tonight is my dinner with family and Zach. Then cake and a friendly game of Yahtzee... well maybe not so friendly with our family. lol.
I guess this should also be the time to thank all you wonderful friends that sent me Birthday cards. I loved each and every one of them! I even enjoyed all the voicemail I received of people singing happy birthday. I even got a few puppet videos on my phone which I think were really a hint that I need to send Eli some thin mints. lol.
After tonight though I really have to start cracking down in order to get Sara's Surprise finished before Sat night. I even picked up a few more items to go with it. :0) Im getting excited for my dear friend Sara's new addition to the family. lol. I am sorry that I haven't posted any pictures for people to keep guessing but I think because I assume there are only 2 people who really look at this... It might be ok to break it up a little more. If you want another hint... Here is the current Progress on Sara's surprise....
What am I????

I am also making some changes in my life that are current with turning 25 but I will have to write about those later. Time to go get Zach and have a little family fun! Keep Smiling!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Few Days Time...

I feel like time has been standing still lately. Not because of anything bad but it just seems like the more I come to realizations, the slower it goes to get to where I need to be. I finally took the steps to cut both my ex's out of my life. (Jack and Rob). I had to come to the conclusions that all they do is upset me. Which really they do. One wants to hang out with me, only when his friends aren't around and the other seems to only want to get me into a hotel room so I'm saying Shove it to both. I am keeping what small hope I have with Zach because...he treats me like I should be treated. Although I had to laugh when he felt so guilty last night realizing the concert he had planned for months was the same day as my birthday party. lol. I must not be like every other girl because this time I wasn't at all upset and told him that he had better bring me back a t-shirt. That and he is already taking me out Wednesday. Hmmm that's tomorrow! Wow that came fast. I'm kinda of excited.
Project wise, I haven't made to much progress since I was unable to work on anything this weekend. I do have tomorrow off but Sara's surprise needs to be finished by the 19th so that is first on the agenda. I am still in hopes that I can get Saturday but I am not sure yet. I know that either way, Shell and I are going to a conference this weekend and we are both so excited. It also means I need to clean my room so I can get the TV out of my car. lol. I need to do it anyways so I can start working on my dresses as well for June. Things are finally going together. :0) I'm so excited. OK well I need to start cleaning so I'm going to go but here is the most recent picture for Sara's Surprise. Although I am starting to realize where the mistakes are that I am making. Then again, I am making it up as I go so I think its more trial and error anyways....

Can you guess what it is???

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Rules For Life...

To this day, I never found out why I all the sudden started receiving a newsletter for a church that I have only ever attended 1 maybe 2 times tops but I have been getting them for a few years now. I guess maybe I assumed it was due to my grandma who attends there when she comes home for the summer after this church married my sister and brother-in-law on such short notice but either way...I am getting them. The funny thing is that I always read them. lol. I do have friends that attend this church and they have a lot of different functions so when I got it today I picked it up and This is what I found inside....

Rules For Life

One. Give People more than they expect and do it Cheerfully.
Two. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Three. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
Four. When you say, "I Love You," mean it.
Five. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eyes.
Six. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Seven. Believe in Love at first site.
Eight. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
Nine. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but its the only way to live life completely.
Ten. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
Eleven. Don't Judge people by their relatives.
Twelve. Talk slowly but think quickly.
Thirteen. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
Fourteen. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Fifteen. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
Sixteen. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Seventeen. Remember the 3 R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
Eighteen. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Nineteen. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Twenty. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Twenty-one. Spend some time alone.

I thought they were pretty great so I just wanted to share them with everyone. Otherwise work has me pretty beat tonight as well as carrying bookshelves into Katie's new apartment. I think its time to lay down and work on Sara's Surprise a little more. Here is hint # 2......Can you guess what it is?
If not that I guess you will have to wait for more of the pieces. lol. I know I am excited about putting this together as well as a few other surprises for Sara and the soon to be little girl.