For those of you who may be new to my blog, you should know that I am a very musical person. I believe that music can often help a person get their feelings out and it even relieves my stress to just sing and let all that pent up energy out. At the moment I really don't have the energy to sing at the top of my lungs but I can say that I have been listening to BarlowGirl all day and singing at the top of my lung from the very bottom of my soul. One song in particular has struck me hard this week because up until now I have felt that I have had one of the strongest support system while being sick however now that it seems like eternity of fighting; I am realizing that a lot of that support system is really not on my side but rather just uses my health to remind themselves each day that someone else has it worse or to gain personal benefits by being my friend. I am honestly in one of the toughest chapters of my life and when I got here this week, I can honestly say that I have never felt so alone. It was if I was checking into a life that I didn't know where it was going to go and if I was going to make it through the day let alone week. Most of the people I normally would talk to in this time are the people who have recently proven that they are here for the wrong reasons and so I have shut down. I have realized that now; in the toughest chapter of my life I need to be around people who are going to not only going to love me but going to support my choice and will to fight this and to support my faith and help me grow. I feel like I have just given up my life to make everyone happy and its never been a better time to just say Forget it all and finally do what is right for me. I do have my families love and support and that means the world to me and I also have some very close friends who I plan on taking on this journey with me but other than those few people, I am planning on leaving many behind and after much prayer; I know this is what I am suppose to be doing. I'm sure I will meet others a long the way but I have put my guard up really high now and I just want people who are going to support me and help me grown without judging. I'm sure I will hit bumps in the roads but I know that God and the support system I have will get me through this.
So with all that said...Let the journey begin. I know I'm in for a long ride but I know God is holding me in His hands and I'm not afraid to just lay there while I fight for what is really important.
I posted the song below for those who wish to listen otherwise I am praying everyone is well.