Last week I was sitting down talking with my dad and after breaking my finger, he looked as me and stated..."You just need one good year, no broken bones, surgeries and broken hearts count too. Those hurt just as much." Thinking about it.... Since 2005, I don't think I have had a "good year" or even so much as a good month". I know that I cant really help the physical aspects of this but the emotional I can to a certain extent. I have been engaged to 2 different guys, planned almost 5 different weddings and watched men tare my life to shreds because I chose to let them walk all over me. Thinking about it, I was kind of stupid because I believe that your husband should love you for everything you are and both of those guys didn't. They loved me for only specific parts and wouldn't except the rest of me and in the end, always tried to get me away from my family who in the end, is my everything. I cant figure this out for the life of me either, because my family is awesome. lol. It is hard knowing that I am about to turn 24 next week and almost all of my friends are settling down and starting families but I know at the same time that God has great plans for me and I just don't know what they are yet, other than to knit everyones' babies blankets this year. lol. I can tell you that emotionally, this year is going to be a better year though. I am finally over this crappy heart break faze and moving on. I have almost all the wedding stuff and reminders out of my house from the past with the exception of one wedding dress which I am considering auctioning off. It is a pretty dress but to tell you the truth, I have never wanted a formal wedding. Sure I want the white dress but I have always wanted simple and in my parents side yard, not a fancy formal, ballroom setting kind of wedding. So the dress gets to go....again and I am concentrating more on my health and family than anything and i am....Happy! I know it may sound hard to believe but I am. I realized over all the "bad years" that my family will always be there for me, no matter what happens. We have a bond closer than most and I would never trade that in no matter what they ever do. So I guess what I am saying is...dad, I don't need one good year as long as I have you guys but we will try and make this year a "happy" year.
sorry if this is kind of rambled. A.D.D. kicking in today for some reason.